It's more than just a number
by City.of.sour.wolf.runners
Summary: When Natasha is struggling to deal with her past and is worried about her future she turns everybody away, the one person she can't turn away is Steve. Who provides the comfort and love she could have never imagined.
1. Let me in

"I'm telling you man, it's a bad idea!"

Clint protested as Stark rambled on about his plans for Natasha's birthday. "No it's not, you're just jealous that nobody made a big fuss about your birthday. Anyway Katniss, even a red headed, sort tempered assassin needs to let her hair down every once in a while. You guys agree with me right?" Tony raised an eyebrow gesturing to the fellow avengers lounging around the living room of the avengers tower.

"Personally" Bruce began "I'm not one for parties, but you're only 29 once." Stark nodded along, pleased with Bruce's agreement. "With that said..." Suddenly loosing interest Stark held up his hand and interrupted "Hold it there, Banner! That's all I wanted. Spangles you agree with me too right?"

Steve looked up from his newspaper, his eyes twitching from Barton to Stark. "Well we should let Nat choose, after all it is her birthday." Stark instantly leap forward, "good call; Spangles grab the birthday banner, Thor put that party popper between your godly lips and Katniss...one word out of you about tonight and..." Stark made a number of miming movements which ended with a exaggerated volcano eruption. Clint just rolled his eyes and reluctantly followed the rest of the guys.

* * *

Natasha rolled around in the sheets, searching for a comfortable position. Either she was too hot or too cold and whenever she did find a comfy position it was soon disrupted by a new memory, one just as painful as the last, repeating itself before her eyes. With a grunt she sat up in bed, nothing was going to work, least of all today. Her breathe quickened as the harsh growl of comments replayed in her head. "You're a monster! Monster! MONSTER!" "Your ledger is dripping!" "Are YOU ready, for the world to see YOU as YOU really are?" "Natalia, it's been too long." "Are you ready to comply?" Her reverie ended with the piercing scream from an 8 year old girl before her untimely death.

Slowly Natasha removed her statue like hold from the tip of the knife (she keep under her pillow for emergencies, you could never be too trusting) a tear of blood dripped from her hand. Out of the blue a thump hit her bedroom door, the hair on the back of her neck stood abrupt as an army of goose bumps invaded her body. Silently she ran to her door, her hand tightened around the handle. In a flash of light she spun the door open, jumped forward and tackled the man to the ground. The knife was against his throat, pressing deeper into the skin. It took her a moment to recognise the face of the man trapped between her legs. She let out a breath she hadn't known she'd been holding. "Stark!" She snarled.

"This is not how I imagined this morning going, but it's always nice to be pleasantly surprised. But...huh...red we have witnesses." In a swift moment she turned to see: Steve, holding a birthday banner which was now crumpled between his finger tips, Clint, wearing a weary smile with his head in his hands, Bruce, clearly uncomfortable, avoiding eye contact with animate and inanimate objects alike and Thor who had a party popper between his lips that he began blowing in and out of, causing a life like imitation of Natasha's heart beat roaring in her ears. "Happy birthday Tasha!" She eyed Clint who gave her a sympathetic look. Steadily she jumped up off of Stark, the dagger to his throat was replaced with the lasers from her emerald eyes, and instantly turned back to her room. "Natasha..." Steve blocked the door about to be slammed into his face. "Don't you wanna come and open some presents?" She gave a dark chuckle. "I'm not in the mood." "Aww, does the assassin" Her flinch was vivid to everyone in the room. "Not enjoy celebrating her birthday! I thought you'd be more mature about getting a year older, but like I said. Always full of surprises." At that he'd caught Natasha's attention. She bit her lip and then stormed to the elevator, she didn't wait to see if they followed her.

* * *

The silence was deafening and the tension was thicker than Thor's hair on a summers day. You could have cut through it with a knife, hell you could have cut it with a spoon if you tried. Clint was eyeing Romanoff, preparing to hold her back if needs be. Her birthdays were always...interesting. It was the one day of the year where she allowed herself to be sensitive, to feel the weight of all her past actions and the concern for all her future ones. It was only recently that Tasha had even told him why she got so different on her birthdays and it was one hell of a story. He knew that she'd have to tell the others soon, so did she but he needed her to do of her own accord. He knew that it may not be as simple though.

"So Natasha, whose gift would you like to open first?" Stark pestered. She glared at him, "Actually I only want one gift from you Stark." She battered her eyelashes at him, "Oh yeah, what did you have in mind? A repeat of earlier...huh" she blushed, Natasha Romanoff actually blushed. Barton held back a laugh knowing what was about to come. Steve forced a rather exaggerated cough, as Nat lent forward, curling her red tassels around her finger. "Actually no, I wanted you to leave me alone for the rest of the year and cancel any predictable plans you scheduled for tonight!" Suddenly a knife was wedged between Nat's fingers as she began filing her nails. Stark started choking on his food as a foot visibly hit him in his...special area.

"Jesus Christ Natasha, he was just trying to..." Rogers was brutally stopped by a look from the corner of Tasha's eye. "Trying to what? Mock me, or make me feel better...because honestly I can't tell the difference anymore."

Thor bowed his head before quietly enquiring "Has...uh...something happened. My dear friend seems to be very distressed and believe me I have experienced the rough wrath of Starks humour first hand. Therefore, I know he doesn't truly, completely, fully mean it." Without anybody having noticed Stark had placed a bag of peas over his crotch area and began explaining. "It's fine, Thundar from down undar" he paused at which point Barton chummed in "Are those my peas?" Stark continued "Some women just have a tough time dealing with ageing and it's called a little something like, midlife crises! Or, Natty is it something else entirely...did somebody have a wild night and get knocked up?" Oh he'd done it now, Clint was suddenly desperate to distract Nat before she did something...she wouldn't necessarily regret but be put behind bars for. He watched as Natasha stood, facing off against Tony. "You know what..." Bruce taking the hint began "Those are your peas Clint, didn't we plan to cook those tomorrow night?" The odour of discomfort was radiating off him as he swiftly took interest in his shoes. "Not anymore, we're not!" Nat pounced like a cat. "I'll tell you where to stick those peas!" In a blast Stark was pinned against a wall and Nat was drawing back her knife. Both Barton and Rogers leaped into action, dragging her away. Hastily she struggled free. "Just tell them!" Clint screamed. The silence that followed was filled with loud inhales of shallow air.

"Tell us what?" Steve broke the secret promise of silence. Barton noticed how he was eyeing up Nat, he'd known that during Cap's battle with the winter soldier he'd grow close to Tasha, they'd developed a strong bond. But he hadn't realised how strong. Nat suddenly lent forward gasping for air, Rogers ran forward but Clint held him at bay. "Nat just tell them." Barton pleaded. "I can't! I CAN'T DO IT CLINT!" She roared before charging off into the hallway, the slam of a bedroom door hit him like a brick wall.

* * *

Steve was pacing, leaving heat marks in the carpet. Stark was going to be on his case about that, he could already image the conversation "So Ahhh...did you have company or did you manage to get friction burn all on your own?"

He was still pissed about this morning, after Nat had stormed off, leaving the rest of the team glaring at Clint waiting for an explanation. One they didn't get, sure it wasn't his place to tell them. But Nat had attacked Stark twice in the space of half an hour. Shortly after that Stark had fainted, claiming he needed immediate medical attention so the guys just carried him to his room and hoped he'd be awake by the time Pepper was home. When they'd finally dragged themselves away from the demanding billionaire they found Natasha sat down at the kitchen table. They expected her to tell them what the hell was going on, but Nat being Nat left them guessing and declared that she'd be leaving for a while. At that all hell had broken loose in which Thor had broken two lamps, Steve had gotten into a burning fight with Natasha in which you could still see the steam poring from their harsh and hateful words of rage and Clint had began climbing the furniture. Bruce trying to stay calm had evacuated the building. Now Steve, being the gentlemen he was standing outside Natasha's room, debating whether or not to knock or just charge in.

Finally his pacing most have ticked of Nat because she opened the door to glare at the soldier. "You're gonna set the floor alight if you don't stop pacing." When he looked up at her she returned her gaze to the window at the end of the corridor. "Good, maybe a burning building will stop you from abandoning us." He saw her grimace and instantly regretted the snarl that had spilled from his clenched jaw. Cautiously he followed her back into her room, pulling the door to but also leaving it open a fraction in case he needed an escape route.

He watched her and saw the dark bags of a restless sleep under her eyes, a thin layer of sweat clung to her face like a thick suffocating blanket. Her red curls hung limply around her face, instead of framing her features it acted more like a curtain so she could keep people out. But worst of all were her once olive green eyes, which were now sickly coloured and forever moving. Never trusting her to hold the gaze of one thing, especially him. Clasping in on herself she retreated into the large leather sofa, her head between her knees. Steadily he walked forward and bent down on his knees, so they were eye level. Gently he lifted her head up so she had to look at him, his thumb softly rubbed over her cheekbone. He was so lost in her trapped, tormented eyes that it wasn't until a glistening tear dripped onto his hand that he contemplated how destroyed she was. He was astounded, sure he'd definitely seen her vulnerable but never broken. At least not like this. - A memory suddenly came to life before his eyes, he was a boy again. In his small home in Brooklyn. He'd just knocked over a China doll that had belonged to his mother, he expected it to shatter into a thousand tiny pieces. Instead a hundred tiny cracks had simply appeared. His mother had told him they were veins, the things that carried to blood to the heart. She had said, that you must never break somebody or allow somebody to break, because once those veins broke so did the heart. - he looked at her and saw the tiny cracks in her armour, he urged for them to close up again. Without realising it they'd both leaned in until her nose was tickling his. Their now shallow breaths were sonic booms in the distance. As much as he wanted to kiss her, and believe me he wanted to, this was the first time he'd seen her like this; not only as a love interest - sure he'd noticed her figure and lush looks but he'd never thought to try or even that those feelings would be returned - but as distrait as she was and he feared that by trying to comfort her with a kiss she'd shut herself off again and therefore bury the feelings instead of dealing and fighting with them.

Reluctantly he moved back and instead of removing his touch completely he simply relocated his hands to her knees. "Nat" his voice struggled to hold its own and she struggled to hold his gaze, but he gave such a level of desperation that she was glued in place. "Please, let me in. Tell me what's going on?" He watched as the light left her eyes and she stiffened, an excruciating silence dragged on for several moments. Her wispy voice sliced through his heart like a knife. "Why should I tell you? I already told Clint and look where that got me, everybody's on edge...anticipating a reason. What if I don't have a reason? What if the famous Black Widow everybody's so terrified of is just showing her true venom." Steve strongly and vivaciously shook his head. "You saw how I was with Stark today...I can't ...Steve I." His inability to except that this is the end result, poured over and he was beyond boiling point. "No Natasha no. Hey!" His fingers found her chin. "Look at me, you're not going to hurt me."

She muttered, gazing into his blue eyes "I couldn't live with myself if I did." Relying on instinct only he bowed his head, reaching for her lips. But instead he found the empty air she'd been previously occupying. Silent as a cat, she'd leap off the sofa, escaping his desire to comfort her. Against his own good will, he followed her movements with his eyes, he allowed himself to feel the pain of displaying such affection and having it ignored. When Nat saw his face, she grimaced "I can't Rogers! Don't you know how much harder it would be to leave if..." He trapped her in his gaze. To him it was simple "Then don't." He demanded, standing up from his pitiful crouch. It was vivid that Natasha had had enough, as she circled her pray. Looking for a weak spot, searching for all the hateful things she could say to make him cower in fear and agony.

She didn't miss a beat as the bold bitter taunts were sold cold. "Why would I listen to you Rogers? what right gives you the power to order me around. You may be the avengers leader, but you certainly aren't mine. You don't have the power, or intelligence to know what's best for you. Let alone me. Hell, you couldn't even save yourself during WW2." Steve did his best to not let her hatred abuse him, but she was sending bullets out left, right and centre. It was only a matter of time before one of them hit gold. "You couldn't save the world then, so what makes you think you can save it now? And even if you could, you'd loose one of us alone the way. That's how you play isn't it?" The amused smirk on her face, told him she'd struck for the heart. "Your parents, Howard, Bucky...Peggy." She shoots, she scores. He felt like his heart had exploded and his lungs were caving in. A look of dismay pierced her eyes, but it was so quick he couldn't have been certain it was even there to begin with. The weight of the words were hitting him like a punch to the groin. "One by one, you left them and now they've left you. Who will be your next victim. Thor...Banner...Stark...Barton" a dramatic pause made him hold his breath as a flood of blurry images clouded his watery eyes. "Me? Who else will pay the price of getting in the soldiers way? Because it sure as hell won't be me." After she delivered the killing strike a witches chuckle set his jaw on edge, as a determined scowl possessed his face. Natasha then turned before the pain of her hateful words sunk in and she called them back, she needed to do this, she reminded herself. Thinking she'd finished him off she headed for the door but was silently surprised as she was grabbed from behind. A forceful hand grabbed at her wrist, yanking her around to face the fury driven soldier.

"I know what you're trying to do and it stops now!" She tried to snatch her hand free from his iron grip, but she soon discovered it was pointless. "Let go Rogers." She said the words slowly and calmly but they were paired with blood curdling olive scanning eyes that were ripping him apart piece by piece. "No! Not until you listen to me Natasha, you were right. I did all those horrible things and I allowed them to happen, but the difference between you and I is that instead of running from my problems I face them head on and yes what you said hurt. But the reason I can let it go is because I've accepted what I did, have you? And I know you're only saying those things to push me away and let me tell you one thing Romanoff, it's not going to work so you might as well..."

"Tasha...?" Romanoff and Rogers pulled away from each other's murderous perceptions to see a dumbfounded Barton, standing in the door way. Giving Nat a knowing look, whilst avoiding Steve's vision. "Am I interrupting something?" Romanoff looked like she'd just been thrown a curve ball, it took her a moment to regain her control and stability. "No, Rogers was just leaving." In the space of a second Tasha had released her wrist from his loosening grasp and shoved him towards the door. Though he only moved because of the sudden intrusion and suddenly became light on his feet. He set his jaw, glared at Nat once more before abandoning the (once bright and homely) room (and leaving behind the lightless, cold and empty area) without a backwards glance.

* * *

"I'm fine Clint, really." Romanoff snuffled a nerve racking sob whilst packing the remanded of her clothes into a rucksack. "Strangely enough, I don't believe you. And that's not because you're the world's best spy or anything. Neither is it because you can beat every lie detector ever created. I just have a feeling." Despite Natasha's damped mood Barton's sarcasm never seemed to miss a target. She allowed herself a brief grin, before zipping up her bag and turning to face it. "I'll be in contact ok?" She sniffed and momentarily managed to stop shaking. "No you won't, just don't be a stranger okay?" She gave him a half hearted nod, she went as if to leave. Paused and then pulled Clint into a stiff hug that he sank into. A minute later he pulled back, revealing a small silver necklace box. She took it with a flying eyebrow, opened it and a gasp escaped her locked lips. "Happy birthday Nat, do you like it.?" She tried to suppress a smile, but the corners of her mouth lifted slightly for a disjointed grin. Quickly Clint enveloped her neck in an arrow necklace before attaching it in place. With that she turned and left, no more needed to be said. He didn't know where she was going, or when she would return. He felt somewhat at a loose end, when the guys realised she'd actually left they'd be bugging him until he spilled. He knew he would, but he was at least going to give her time to cool off and come back before Stark issued a search warrant.


	2. Resilent

Clint walked slowly to the kitchen, in need of a drink. Water wasn't enough, he needed something stronger. As he entered the neat kitchen - which seemed just too tidy for 7 people to use regularly, well 6, Pepper tends to stay at her and Tony's tower more often. He gulped as he realised that it was now just going to be used by 5. He didn't take Nat's disappearance personal, he knew trying to persuade her to stay was just a waste of time. She'd most likely promise to stay and as soon as your back was turned she'd be out of that door before you could say "Do you fancy Thai or Indian?" And that hurt more than her leaving without getting your hopes up. - he thought about where she was likely to end up, usually she'll leave the country as soon as possible. That way it was harder to track her and less likely that she'd be bothered to change her mind and come back. But this time felt different. As he pulled out his Hawkeye mug, there was nothing wrong with self love. (If you didn't love yourself who else would?) he heard the many footsteps patter on the marble, spitting clean, look at your own reflection, floor. "Right Legolas, where is she?" He turned to see Stark, redressed in a black and white stripy suit with a red tie, there was no losing him in a crowd. Sadly. "She's gone to get some space, well deserved if you ask me." He was given a few side glances and eye roles between Cap and Stark before Steve said "Well it was a good thing nobody did, where is she?"

He slammed the mug down, angry. "You know, none of you get it do you? You chose this...you all picked this life." Bruce went to interrupt but Clint was on a roll. "No, maybe you didn't choose to become a big green monster, or you didn't volunteer to be frozen for 70 years. But you all choose the things that lead up to that. Volunteering for your super strength serum, trying to recreate his serum, creating your flying iron machines, being arrogant until you were sent to visit earth. Even me signing up for S.H.I.E.L.D, yeah maybe you didn't want the mistakes you made alone the way, but you all made a decision that started this whole thing. And now you're just facing the consequences of your own stupid choices." He paused, partly for breath and partly for effect. "Nat didn't, she was kidnapped by the Red Room when she was a baby. They raised her, using whatever means they felt necessary to form her into the perfect killing machine! Using torture and feeding her lies until it was embedded into her brain to do what they said and don't ask questions. They changed her from a human into a machine." He returned to his mug and poured in black coffee and a strong dose of vodka. "Sure it's different now, she's a superhero, like us. She accepted that position of her own accord, but she was only in the position to make that decision because of other people's choices! We all have sketchy pasts, I guess that's what makes us so...desperate to amend them. But hers...is different. She didn't make her bed, they did! But she was the one who was forced to sleep in it. So excuse her if she's having trouble sleeping in a bed full of blood that she didn't want to put there!" He downed his flavoured coffee and immediately went for a refill, this time ignoring the coffee. "Ever since she joined S.H.I.E.L.D, it's like giving a blind person their sight back. That's why she's so...rebellious. That's why she struggles to follow orders." He nodded towards Steve, delivering a private message. "So when there's decisions to be made, she makes them. Sometimes just for the sake of having that power, so guys do her a favour and let her make this one."

After Barton's emotional performance nobody knew what to do, but then Stark stepped forwards "Look Legolas, that was beautiful and believe me we want nothing more than to give the girl a break. So if you could just let us know where she is..." Clint shook his head. "Wouldn't tell you even if I could." Stark pointed at him expectantly "And that, my friends is why you know where she is." He simply rolled his eyes. "I might have an idea, but what are you gonna do? Hang me from the ceiling until I spill?" Stark laughed. "Oh god no, we all know that you'd probably enjoy that a little too much. I'm simply going to bride you." He laughed, what could they have that Clint could possibly want? Stark stepped forward, reading Barton's mind. "Too the laboratory!" He cried and began galloping off to the elevator. The rest of the team, stared at each other until Thor began to follow. When everybody gave him a questioning look he said "I assume, sir Stark is about to make an ass out of himself. Am I the only one who doesn't want to miss that?" After being encouraged everybody soon followed the sound of Starks exotic impression of a "Neighing!" Horse.

* * *

Stark wasn't exactly known for his tidiness however, he hated it when things became cluttered. His lab, was turning that way. Since the avengers had moved in his mind had filled with countless ideas of gadgets or upgrades for suits. His favourite had always been Clint's though, due to the simple fact that he loved The Hunger Games movie franchise a little too much. So when he'd suggested that he could bride Barton he had one thought on his mind; He was going to direct the next hunger games! Sure he thought that the characters were, okay. There could be a little more humour added here and there but what stark really wanted to introduce and explore was the world of technology they lived in.

"Sir, the rest of the avengers bar Agent Romanoff is here." Stark turned to see Thor leading the others into the lab, he noticed Clint looked a little excited and some what unimpressed. "Oh just you wait Katniss! May I introduce your new bow, you may name him as you wish. But I'd prefer if you named him Peeta as you know, you're Katniss!" Tony added as a suggestion. Barton laughed and Banner whispered to him "I caught him watching those films for three days straight." Steve clearly bored with the lame entertainment Stark was requiring, piped up. "You do realise that it's not real..." Stark abruptly side stepped so he was face to face with Steve. The height difference was almost laughable. They glared each other down, reminding Clint of a battle between two lions over a pack he'd witnessed on this rather boring documentary. Slowly Stark said " . .IT' .REAL. But that doesn't mean a boy can't dream." Clint had to turn to Banner for reassurance. "Did he just?" Banner put his head in his hands "yes he did."

Thor started flipping Mjolnir from hand to hand, and then proceeded to throwing him back and forth across the room until one time he put too much power behind it and; crash! Mjolnir knocked "Dummy!" over. Stark squealed turning away from Cap. After a traumatic few moments Stark boldly turned back to the bow, which was hovering above the clear glass table due to some sort of force field around it. "Not only does he" Tony continued "respond only to your voice, but if he is further than a mile away from you and you get into trouble all you have to do is press this button" he passed a red switch with the silhouette of a hawk on top over to Clint. He could easily pin this to his suit or any sort of clothing. "And he will come to you, I got inspired by point break over here." Thor looked up after having been staring at the ground like a 5 year old who'd been caught doing something naughty. I bet he felt like one too after Tony's 30 second lecture on why it is not okay to play with Mjolnir in the lab. "Me?" His voice was too tiny and innocent to come from a God, let alone one of Thor's size. With Tony yelling up at him they'd looked like Jake the giant slayer putting a giant in his place. Stark nodded.

"so what do you think Katniss, do we have a deal? Romanoff's location for your very own hunger games based bow?" He keep winking at Barton which made him uncomfortable. "Ptt! What else you got?" Barton muttered, not impressed. Steve began to protest but when Stark pulled out a pair of red, blue, gold, purple, black, green and silver boxers he was silenced into displeasure. "Gents and..." Stark paused to look around "I guess you count as a gent also!" The rest of the guys curiously observed each other. "...Gents I represent to you the first in its making of Avenger based invisible boxer shorts!" Instead of a howling round of applause the rest of the team looked some what, unimpressed. Under their breathe somebody exclaimed "I wish they were invisible!" Stark pranced round the room for the anonymous source, who as much to Starks dismay, stayed unrevealed. Steve marvelled at the thought that less than an hour ago he was leaning in to kiss Natasha and now he was sat in Starks lab loosing the will to live. Clearly not the only one as Bruce took of his glasses and began rubbing the bridge of his nose. Stark and definitely lost the plot when he pressed a bottom and unbelievably the pants disappeared. "Oh thank god! The only reason I'd accept those would be to stop them from causing anybody to go blind." Bruce suggested "wouldn't they go blind anyway if you turned them invisible in front of anybody?" Stark whistled as Barton patted Banner on the back "Ohhh! Burn, I'm on fire!" Everybody started laughing and Stark ended the marathon of chuckles with a serious glint of light in his eye.

"so, do we have a deal?" Clint scratched the back of his neck. "If I told you where she was what would you do?" Everybody stepped forward, like a team planning their tactics to win the game. "Look you've known her longer than any of us, but your methods to relaxing her are completely different to ours." Steve put his hand on his hip and wore his most patriotic expression "What do you think we should do?" A glimmer of hope sprinkled Tony's eyes making them sparkle in the light of Thor's golden hair. "We take her clubbing, get her a bit tipsy and let her release whatever this negative energy is." Banner bit his lip, Steve began pacing and Clint shook his head. But it was Thor who spoke "you just don't know how to give up do you?" Tony coughed causing Cap to share a knowing look with Hawkeye. "The word defeat means nothing to me! I Tony Stark am resilient, when something doesn't go my way I don't give you" banner interrupted "what about the time when..." "Shut it Green bean! As I was saying, instead of cowering at the feet of failure, I rose from the ashes of its victims and I concord that giant like the brave leader I am! I claimed that mountain to be mine! So if there's one thing in the world I am, besides a genius, billionaire, playboy blah bla blah...I am resilient!"

Steve stammered "so what you're saying is you would have tracked Romanoff down with or without Barton's help?" He nodded "affirmative." Still uncertain of how this would turn out Clint placed his hand forward. Tony hurriedly accepted, giving him a firm shake. Clint then pulled him forward until his mouth could comfortably whisper in Starks ear "I still want the pants and bow."


	3. Just one drink

Natasha Romanoff was in a bad place, her mind keep switching from the past to the present. One moment she'd be packing her bag and then a bullet would go off and the screams of innocent people would bounce around in her head causing her excruciating pain. Nat would scramble for cover only to find she was alone. So of course that would stop her from making any impulsive decisions. Usually when she'd need time to breath she'd leave the country, no destination planned she'd just get up and go.

Not today.

Today was her 29th (at least that's what everybody else thought) birthday, when in actual fact it was her 52nd birthday. During her childhood (if you could call it that) and capture in the Red Room Natasha had been frozen and awakened at their every beck and call, mostly using her as a last resort. She _was_ the best. IS! She is the best. Also the idea that she'd be allowed on a plane looking as she did was ludicrous; she was sleep deprived, her eyes blank and bottomless and in a constant coating of sweat. Romanoff knew she looked like crap. She had intended to go some place low key but as soon as she'd left the Avengers tower Natasha had felt completely isolated. For hours she had been curled up in a street alley with nothing but the sound of her own blood pounding in her ears. Until finally Romanoff had snapped herself out of it and secured herself in an abandoned hotel. It wasn't the safest place to occupy but no one would suspect the Black Widow would be naïve enough to camp at a place this open, no one except Clint. It was him who'd actually introduced her to the place, at the time Nat had called him stupid and said that he was going to get them killed. But his idea worked and everybody overlooked the dingy damp abandoned hotel.

Natasha knew Clint could easily find her if he wanted to, but she hoped Barton would at least give her 24 hours. It was one day. One day every year that her feelings got the best of her and she became an emotional wreck, Nat guessed that's why Stark had loved it so much. It was the one time she'd allowed him to get to her. She doubted he'd have expected the consequences though. She was just starting to get hungry when she felt an expectant hush in the air. Instinctively she drew her guns and retreated to the far wall, she had a large window to the right with a large rusted fire escape that only lead down to the 2nd floor. On her left was the door leading to the hall way, if anybody opened it they'd have their unguarded back to her for about a second. But that's all it took. Natasha held her breath, waiting for the quietest inhale or the swiftest movement. In the dark light her shadow wrapped tightly around her like a thick blanket. She heard it in the winds icy fingers scratching against the window, without a seconds hesitation she turned, slammed her foot full force against the glass which fell to pieces immediately. She pulled her gun up and was met with Barton's amused smirk. Natasha let out a sigh. "Well you sure know how to make your guests feel welcome." He exclaimed. "Dammit Barton! What the hell are you doing here?" Without an invitation he ducked under the sharp edges of remaining glass in the window frame and proceeded into the kitchen area. Rolling her eyes Romanoff retreated out of the chilly evening air and into the some what colder room.

"So I'm guessing the others sent you here?" She drank from the plastic cup of coffee he'd bought her earlier on their walk. "Hmmm, not entirely. Sure they encouraged it when they found out you were gone, but I actually came off my own intentions. I was worried about you Tasha, you can't keep going on like this." It hurt to be criticised by Barton, and she knew he meant well but all it did was anger her. She slightly speeded up, but he keep pace with her. "I've managed alright so far." She tried to extinguish the fire in her voice, but to no avail. "And if you even think about suggesting I go get help..." "You'll show me what you'd originally planned to do to Stark this morning, and I can't guess exactly but I'm assuming it will have something to do with..." Natasha laughed (it was a good sound) and threw her head back, giving her limp curls a bit of their previous energy. "Cutting off his balls! Or should I say your balls if..." He grabbed her hand, and interlaced his pinky with hers "I promise!" They stared at each other and then let go. They continued on their walk "I just think you should...talk to somebody. You know not keep it all inside. You never know...you could deal with this problem once and for..." Natasha's pace once again quickened "It's not a problem you can just simply deal with, Clint! It's not a mole you get on your ass that you can just go and get removed! And it certainly doesn't need..." Barton turned on his heel and stopped Romanoff in her tracks. He looked at her until she looked back "you know what I meant." He firmly told her. She nodded in response.

"Now, I have a proposal." She raised an eyebrow. "I'm listening." Her voice lacked any interest in the slightest. "Why don't we go out for a drink." She pursed her lips, clearly loosing patience "Still listening." Her eyes keep staring of in the distance. "At the new club down town?" Natasha didn't respond, Barton waited two full minutes before he grabbed her attention again. "Tasha, what do you say?" She looked confused. "Sorry what? I stopped listening when you mentioned new club!" She made as if to continue walking but he hooked his arm through hers "Actually it's this way." "CLINT!" She began to argue as he steered her off in the opposite direction. "Just one drink, it will allow you to relax."

 _Suddenly Natasha was plucked from the evening streets and replaced in a glamorous ball room, the street lamps turned to chandeliers and the evening strollers transformed into dancing couples. Natasha was sat down at a table with a bold fat millionaire who wasn't very discreet about staring at her breasts. He smoothly pushed a drink towards her, it was sparkling champagne . "Drink up my darling." His voice had a Russian accent that sent her head spinning in circles trying to pin it down. She shook her head and moved as if to leave, but a hooded goon grabbed her from behind, forcing her back down. She keep moving her head, searching for help, daring people to see what was happening. She heard a gun click into place and felt the pressure of it against her spine. The fat guy repeated "I said drink up!" Her vision became blurry and she noticed everybody on the dance floor was looking at her, watching her, her head keep moving back and forth between different gazes. All of them accusing her. She turned to run and the gun went off, she looked down at her midsection, the blue dress started to turn purple. People were now screaming her name. "Natasha! Natasha! NATASHA!" She fell to the floor, the screams slicing through the once peaceful music. Everything went black, but the screaming continued. "Natasha! NATASHA! Natasha!" She lay there, in a bed of her own blood._

Clint pulled her out of her thunderous reverie. His eyes were glaring at her, his hands were on her shoulders shaking her back and forth. It took her a moment to re-establish her whereabouts. Without a word to Clint she sunk to the ground until she was sat on the pavement. In the middle of the street, scaring people off with her eyes and challenging them to come at her with her fingers. He soon joined her, pulling her over to him. She rested her head on his shoulder. A silent tear engraved a path down her cheek, she moved to wipe it away but Clint stopped her. That just encouraged more tears to flow, until her face was drowned in a navy of salty water. They sat like this for ten minutes until Romanoff had had enough, she stood and pulled Clint up after her. "Do you wanna talk about it?" She shook her head. "No, I want a drink." She started leading him towards their original destination before she'd gotten lost in her thoughts. "Tasha, I don't think this is such a good..." She turned to face him, sticking out her hip. "Barton, I couldn't give a flying monkeys about what you think is good for me. You suggested we come here, so you're taking me here!" Barton paused, thinking about all his options: he could pick her up and run for his life until she fought her way free or he collapsed with exhaustion, he could just run away and leave her but what good would that do besides giving her another reason to kick his ass, or he could just take her inside and keep a close eye on her. The latter of the options is what he settled for.

"Alright, but I want you to remember tomorrow morning when your heads receiving a beating and you're looking for someone to blame, that this was not my idea!" She flashed a deceiving smile that he knew would one day be the end of him.


	4. One too many

As Romanoff and Barton rounded the corner to the deafening club, they'd heard the music from across the street, their eyes scanned the incredulous long line that circled back around the opposing street. The neighbours weren't going to be happy. With a half hearted sigh Nat made as if to start at the back of the cue. - Sure with her looks she could have easily snuck up to the front, but she wasn't in the mood and she had to remind herself that she still looked like crap. - When a giant's call picked at her attention, at the very beginning of the line was Thor and few other of the fellow avengers. Swiftly Barton ran for them before Nat could interrogate him on how much he had told them. Eventually she joined them and was met with awkward and distant glances from Banner and Jane Foster who was Thor's date. Nat liked Jane, she thought it was nice that Thor had somebody. Another tie to earth other than this frickin time bomb they called a team, she was certain that one day it would erupt. That is if it hadn't already and she feared she'd be the reason why.

Whilst trying to show little joy at the fact that Stark was no where to be seen Hill and Wilson immediately pulled her into a conversation so she felt included. She wanted to tell them they needn't bother but she didn't have the heart to. "Romanoff, you remember that day right?" She looked at him curiously and jumped in where she could. "You mean the day I kicked your ass whilst sparring, yeah you lasted for a total of what...3 seconds?" Her ears expanded, taking in the bellows of her friends magnificent laughter. "Damn gurl! I was actually talking about that time you bet Steve 50 bucks he couldn't move Mjolnir!" Her searching eyes finally rested on him, he was at the back of the group, his face hidden by the shadows but he took a small step forward at the memory of that night. Thor's face fell as he remembered how Mjolnir had momentarily shifted under Steve's touch. She couldn't help but remember his warm fingers on her skin earlier today, she began to blush and quickly turned away trying desperately to control herself. As the laughter died down she muttered "I still owe you for that." He shook it off, "Nah, it's fine. Technically Mjolnir didn't actually move." That put a bright beam back on Thor's face. - He then mouthed something that Nat was pretty sure was just meant for her, "besides there are a lot of things people owe me." She felt the dig burn her cheeks and she had to turn away to hide the pain in her eyes. Come on Romanoff! She thought to herself, get your act together. - Barton chipped in "closest anyone's ever come to it though." Again Thor hurriedly moved the conversation on.

They finally began to make headway in the time consuming line and when they reached the front the security guard looked them over, his eyes hovering a second longer on Natasha and when he spoke he seemed to be talking only to her. Once they were inside Clint muttered "I don't get it, somehow she can look like a clown and still steal any mans attention!" Everybody chuckled and Nat went to reach for Clint but was instantly pulled away by Jane and Maria. In their hurry to a bathroom Pepper Potts had popped up from somewhere and was chaperoning them their. Once inside the girls hooted everybody else out, receiving many displeased glares. When the bathroom was empty Peppr pulled out a make up bag and a black dress. "Okay Nat, take your sweats off." Within 10 minutes Natasha Romanoff had been transformed from her depressed, self-pitting seed into a flowering rose. The black dress hugged her figure, displaying her best parts. Her legs looked flawlessly shaped and toned, her waist made tiny, but her hips wide and curvy. The darkness made her look like snow had sprinkled over her skin. On most girls her pale complexion would look sickly but on Nat it made her eyes greener and bigger, her lashes longer, her lips fuller and as red as...(she could have decided between two options but settled for the happier one)...Thor's cap. Her cheekbones were sharp enough to slice through a mattress and her hair had been restored to its full buoyancy, now it framed her best features and drawed attention from a crowd. "Okay, I think we're done!" Jane squealed! "Are you kidding...? She looks hot!" Hill encouraged. They were right, she did look hot. But she didn't feel that way, in fact it all felt like a lie. Not just her face or the outfit but her presence here. She shouldn't be here! A piercing thought pinned her down _oh yeah! Well where should you be? At home feeling sorry for yourself, mopping around and allowing your memories to boss you around!_ She fought against the hurtful thoughts threatening to claim her mind. It didn't matter that she felt ill just looking at herself, dressed the way she was no one would be looking into her eyes.

when the girls exited the bathroom all eyes were on them, the majority aimed at Romanoff but she just walked it off like this happened any other day. When they found the guys Clint mouned "God! Why'd you dress her up, I was enjoying being the sexy one of the group." Everybody snorted, in fact everybody in the club snorted. Nat was pretty sure everybody in the world had snorted. "Ahh, Barton don't feel bad! And for the record you were never the sexy one of the group!" As Wilson, Hill and Thor took a subconscious step forward Stark interjected "Yep that was always me!" As Nat circled round to face Stark she felt like a solo spotlight had been directed right over her and him. She could feel the tension in the air building like the sweat from the grinding people on the dance floor. Pepper linked arms with him and there was instantly a straighter standing, better tongue holding man stood before her. She almost forgave him for this morning. Almost. Without a further do Stark turned to the rest of the group "so should I get some drinks, on the house of course. You guys do realise had you muttered my name you would have been in here faster than Barton's minimising chances of getting lucky tonight!" With a fair deal of snickers and snide comments Barton, Stark and Potts headed to the bar, Hill and Wilson somehow carried Banner to the dance floor and Thor and Foster disappeared in search of a private table. Romanoff and Rogers were left alone.

Natasha couldn't decide between leaving him alone or taking him off to a corner to talk. In the end she didn't have to decide because he stalked off leaving her alone, she wanted to feel hurt but all she felt was relief. However it wasn't long until the first perv made their way over to her, she simply turned them down and strolled to the dance floor where she began dancing with a very stiff Banner whilst Hill and Wilson circled them. Nat had to admit it was entertaining watching Bruce Banner, the scientist, bust a few moves. She liked Banner, he was a down to earth nice fella who was frankly too hard on himself. _Yeah that's rich coming from you!_ Suddenly she was very conscious of many eyes on her and she felt incredibly flustered so she excused herself to get a drink. Before she evacuated the multicoloured jungle filled with horny, intoxicated animals she saw a pair of azure sapphires digging into her skin, not just staring at her figure but staring into her mind. She surveilled the crowd but couldn't find the lonely soldier. He was beginning to become a bit of a downer. Quickly she found the table with her friends and selected a fruity smelling cocktail. Banner came up behind, looking slightly in pain as he warded off a heavily drunk girl. Barton and Wilson couldn't surpress their smiles as he joined them. "Having fun out their Bruce?" His jaw was set and his eyes were unblinking "honestly man, you have no idea how uncomfortable I am." Out of the shadows Jane appeared and they quickly became engaged in a deep conversation. Pepper and Tony were having their own private little party in the dark corner of the room, completely in their own world and it was a good thing too. Because they were embarrassingly out of time with the music.

Sam and Clint both followed her gaze onto Tony and Pepper. "Crazy isn't it? He's such a different person when she's around." A hiss escaped Nat's tight lips, "I wonder if she knows what she's getting herself into." Sam looked, not so much annoyed more intrigued "How'd you mean?" I crossed my arms, still staring at the love sick couple. Their movements weren't jarring and disjointed like most people's when they danced. They moved as one, their body's and minds interlaced like fingers. "It's almost like he's living a double life, like he's lying to her." Sam clearly disagreed. "I don't see it like that..." Nat nodded him on, letting him explain it as he saw it. "I see two people who need each other and make each other better because of it. They're clearly meant for each other." Nobody said anything for a moment and then Steve appearing, as if from thin air, said "Well I think we just found ourselves the next love doctor!" I eyed Sam as he cracked up and Barton said "You've no idea how wrong that sounds coming from Captain America's mouth!" Even I couldnt help surpress a smirk at that. "Right boys, the next rounds on me! Wilson, give me a hand." Barton shook his head as their retreating bodies moulded into the over populated pack.

When they reached the bar Nat was aware of how her body had somehow moulded around his, she had position herself with her body turned towards him. However she wasn't aware of making the decision to stick her hip out of lean in towards him when he spoke. After they'd collected the drinks, Nat invited him for a dance but with a smirk plastered to his lips he declined when Romanoff enquired why, clearing suspecting her puppy dog eyes and battering lashes would persuade him, he said he didn't feel like treading on Caps toes. As he walked away, maybe a little too quickly, he muttered under his breath "you're doing a good enough job on your own." Biting her lower lip she downed her shot of vodka and declared for another. She was frustrated, how was she getting on Rogers' nervous, he'd hardly spoken to her all evening? She continued to wash down her pain with jarring speed. At one point Thor was by her side, spuring her on. It was obvious he had no idea the drinks were making her more tipsy by the second as they clearly had no affect on him. But at some point and she doesn't remember when, he'd cleared off. Most likely gone off to have some cuddles with his scientist, Nat thought bitterly. Out of the corner of her eye she spied a tall muscular man, who had a sharp and handsome face, his eyes were of the deepest brown and his hair was long, thick curls of darkness. When she notices him noticing her, she gave a wink with her right eye. Or she thinks she did, right now she was too drunk to remember, but whatever she did she caused him to laugh. He was definitely confident in his abilities as a charmer because he gradually leaned forward until she got a wiff of his scent. He smelled like sweat and alcohol as well as a light hint of peaches and she noticed another fragrance, one she couldn't quite place. As the smell of peaches filled her nose she was reminded of blond hair, and azure sapphire eyes and warm hands on her knees. A gasp escaped her mouth, causing mist to flow in front of her. Steve. The smell reminded her of Steve stuck up his own ass, Mr perfect patriotic Rogers! Gingerly she pulled away, only now aware of the impression she'd been giving him.

Romanoff glanced at the dance floor and everything began to spin, she thought she saw the faces of Clint and Maria getting cosy in the corner and she couldn't make out if it was Thor letting Banner win in an arm restless with Jane laughing to the side. Natasha wasn't positive it was Sam having a light hearted discussion with Pepper on the sofa, with Tony passed out on her lap. All the faces seemed distorted and for a while the loud music and cosy laughter sounded hallow and far away and once again it was the sound of her beating heart banging boldly against her chest, threatening to break free. She thought she saw a pair of blue eyes and made her way forwards only to sway backwards, she heard her name being called but it soon faded into screams of...joy or pain. She couldn't tell the difference, every now and then she'd glance the dance floor and see a figure fall down in blood. Occasionally a gun shot would go off and she'd duck only to realise it was the banging music. She felt sick, she needed some air. This time she was positive she heard her name and turned to follow a retreating silhouette into the darkness.

Natasha creep forward into the shadow, cautiously she called "Steve?" No response, then she lost her patience. "This isn't funny Rogers!" She moved to go back to the light but a figure blocked her path, "what isn't?" She gasped and instantly stepped back, she keep walking until her back hit the brick wall. Her capture used her own stupidity to his advantage, caging her in him arms. She was trapped. Quickly his lips found her neck, she grimaced and tried to pull away but he was too strong. That's when all of a sudden that familiar scent she hadn't been able to recognise struck a nerve. It smelt like...home, not NY or even America. He smelled like Russia, she gulped back a lump in her throat. He shoved her against the brick wall to the point where she thought they'd be embedded in her skin. "Stop!" She heard her voice say, but she sounded far from threatening. Why wasn't her body fighting back? She became angry and started gasping for breath, but her capture mistoke annoyance for passion and forced his lips on hers. His hands started exploring her and she felt like she was going to be sick, she keep pushing and pushing him away. But he wouldn't stop. Finally when his hands reached for the zip to her dress, he had to pull her away from the brick wall. She took her aim and raised her knee connecting the full force to his groin whilst at the same time she bit down hard on his lip. As he yelled she scrambled to get away as she did so she could taste his blood in her mouth, holding back vomit she ran and thought she'd just gotten away when his fingers tangled into her red tassels. He yanked her back and grabbed both her arms before knocking her against the brick wall, Natasha's head hit if with full force. She knew any chance she'd have to fight him off this intoxicated were slim enough, now with her head bashed in and the blood trailing down her back she knew it was near impossible. Taking a deep breath in she called out with all her remaing energy "Get off of ME!" As if he had responded to her he was suddenly flown backwards and Nat heard the muffled sound of punches and frowns of pain. Her eyes began to close and she stepped forward and began to sway when her rescuer held her arm, supporting her.

Romanoff couldn't see who it was so relied on her other senses, the familiarity of his touch brought comfort and security to her body. She assumed it was Clint but as soon as she smelled peaches she pulled back. Her eyes opened alarmed and saw the concerned and agitated face of Steve Rogers. "Nat what the hell were you...how could...did you not fight back?" To answer his numerous questions Natasha lent forward and gave way to the vomit she'd been holding back. When she flipped her head back up Steve's eyes were drawn to the darkest patch of red in her hair, carefully he pushed his fingers throw it and they came away wet and sticky with her blood. "Why'd it have to be you? Out of all the people I'd let see me like this, why was it you?" She mumbled quietly so he had to lean in to hear what she said. Instinctively he pulled away, her breath stank of alcohol. How much had she had to drink? Suddenly Rogers was infuriated, with Natasha for allowing herself to get to this stage and not tell anyone what was wrong, with Stark for proceeding with his stupid plan for her birthday but mostly with himself for letting this happen to her. His anger mostly came out in his voice "aren't you even a little bit grateful, or are you too drunk to even remember what that word means?" Natasha stopped swaying, she stood up on her tiptoes and wrapped her hands in his shirt collar. She strongly pulled him down. Their faces was centre metres apart and he no longer cared about the stench of her breath of the frustration with that pervert. It was him and Nat. He was so close he could feel her heart beat, feeling it speeding up. If it were possible she managed to come even closer, and she whispered "Thank you Steve for, saving me from myself." Her words were the chain that binded him to her as her whisper replayed in his mind over and over again. All too quickly she let go and pulled away, before he could respond she charged off into the nightclub he was beginning to loath.

* * *

After regaining his controll Steve marched over to the rest of the guys, who were listening intently to a less important story that he could not be asked to even try and engage in. "What the hell is wrong with Romanoff?" Everybody looked at him, Stark was about to introject a witty comment but Rogers was not in the mood. He was staring solemnly at Clint. "Alright, soldier. Calm down." "No!" Cap snapped. Sam tried to cool his buddy down "Look, Steve she's fine. She's with..." "No she's not fine! Because I just caught her being groped by some pervert who bashed her head in and most likely slipped her something in her drink!" Now he had everybody's attention, as they all jumped into attention checking her whereabouts and asking questions about Natasha's well being. "Look, I don't care if I have to hang you from the ceiling myself! Barton you're telling us what's going on with her and you're telling us now!" His tone left no room for an argument and after Barton's own inspection of Natasha and he saw the blood stane on the back of her head he caved "Alright! I'll tell you."

the male members of the avengers and Wilson all took a step outside, before doing so warning Hill to stick to Romanoff like she was her shadow. The cool air was whistling around the dark alleyway making Barton shiver, but he was almost positive it wasn't because of the cold. Checking once more that they were completely alone he turned to the frustrated faces of his team mates. An expectant hush filled the air and he knew once he told them there was no taking his words back. "A few years before Natasha was...recruited by S.H.I.E.L.D, when she was working for the KGB, she had been looking into her Red Room files. Nothing was a hundred percentage accurate, how could it be? Not even Nat knew half the stuff the Red Room had made her do. Anyhow, she started noticing patterns between certain dates and became intrigued about her past. She started abandoning missions and began her own search. She wanted to know everything. She began hunting down creators of the Red Room, doctors and instructors, anyone who had a long lost ancestor with a connection got a visit from Romanoff. The majority of them were loose ends, but she discovered a lot more about her past in 2 years of searching then her entire file have about her whole life. That's when she got on S.H.I.E.L.D's radar. As more truths were revealed she became sloppy in her work, would do anything for answers." Barton paused and eyed each of them in turn "Anything." Rogers almost flinched at the word, remembering the smell of that other man on her, the bruises that would mask her skin would represent a reminder of what could have happened had he been a second too late.

"When I was finally sent to hunt her down, she had broken into a memorial ground. She was looking for the names of victims she'd been sent to kill. She was looking for the date of their decease." Tony couldn't help but prick his ears up, after discovering that Natilie Rushman was in fact an under cover spy he Had been as intrigued in finding out her back story as he was in finding out what got her in such a funk today. "People always ask me why I didn't let that arrow fly, it would have been easy and instant and it would have saved her from a lot of pain in the future. Honestly, I didn't know what stopped me. I do now, she was desperate to find out what she had done. So I pulled her out, brought her back to S.H.I.E.L.D. Promised her she'd be allowed to look at her file, that was the first mission she was given by Director Fury himself; find out what happened to her." He slowly started kicking a can around until Steve said "Barton." He continued "She discovered so much, torture methods, serums she'd been given. Her actual age" at that Thor asked "She's not 29?" It was clearly difficult for Clint to spill his partner's deepest secrets and nobody could image how much trust this would cost his and Nat's dynamic. But he continued anyway. "She's actually 52. In the Red Room they put her on ice whenever she wasn't needed, turns out every few years." He turned to Cap "A bit like Buck...the winter soldier. Not only did she discover her life at the Red Room she found out what happened to her parents." Nobody asked about them, some things they had to leave with Romanoff. "Her birthday was a key date in every file, she doesn't even know if it's correct The Red Room could have made it up. They probably did, but in every single file the date was the same. 21/6. The year changed frequently but always the same month and day.

"That date meant so much to her, it was the date of her first kill, when she was just a child, the date of her first mission, her graduation ceremony where she...er...she was sterilised." Barton felt the pain of his words build inside all their chests, he felt the familiar yearning for answers embedded in his mind. The thought of Tasha going through all this alone, no more than a child, was too painful too fully grasp. "Worst of all was the number, each year as she got older, starting from the age of 10, she had to kill a certain amount of people depending on her age. So when she was 10 she had to kill 10 people, as the competition got harder and the longer you survived the more people you killed. She was never told who they were, just sent into a room. The method didn't matter, not to the people in charge. But if it was somebody they truly hated they'd give her as many torture instruments as possible. The majority were enemies of the Red Room, but since Nat won she had to kill the most, so of course she assumed that some were just random pedestrians who were in the wrong place at the wrong time. S.H.I.E.L.D worked out that she'd probably escaped the Red Room when she was would have been in her 30s had she not been frozen. So that's 20 years of killing a certain amount of people based on her age. Overall I think it worked out to...420 people, she was forced to kill just because she'd survived another year. Add that onto the amount of regular missions or battles where people had been killed and...I don't even want to know how many people. The worst part is she doesn't remember asking questions, she doesn't remember fighting the orders, she just remembers the screams and the bullets and the faces." The world was slowly draped in silence. Then the less likely person to speak at a time like this did, Banner spoke with such strength and self assurance it caused everybody ,to look up. "That's not her fault though, you're the one who told us she was raised to not ask questions and it was imprinted in her brain to follow orders. And if you think about it constantly putting somebody under ice would be such a painful procedure that in order for her to survive they'd have to wipe her memory so she forgot the pain even whilst it was effecting her. Thor spoke up "That's a lot easier said than done and from past experiences we all know it's hard to not get wand up in the numbers. I am deeply sympathetic." Barton was slowly drawing away from the group, "well now you know and the question is what do we do n..."

In an instant Pepper was sprinting at full speed towards use, her eyes full of terror and her face plastered in sweat. Tony rushed forward immediately. "Pepper..." He grabbed her and supported her as she gasped for breath, turning to the rest of the concerned men she stammered "It's Romanoff, she...got in a...fight!" Before anyone had any time to ask questions Thor lifted Pepper is his arms and they all sprinted back to the club.

* * *

When Steve sprinted inside the club, barely giving the security guard a backwards glance, he say chaos. The majority of the people were still heavily drunk and ignored the two figures fighting, instead they simply moved their grinding to the opposite side of the club. They acted like this happened any other day, Rogers could guarantee that this did not in fact happen every other day because this was The Black Widow fighting. The rest of the avengers had managed to catch up with him, they scanned the ever growing crowd and found Jane holding Maria, who's nose was bleeding. But that didn't stop her from looking like she'd just switched to terminal mood. "Hill!" Stark called, they hastily made their way to them. "What the hell happened?" "Nat got a little over excited and started dancing with strangers. Then this girl came along and just started fighting her." Jane pointed to an unconscious body on the floor, luckily she was still breathing. "She didn't last very long, and then all of a sudden this man tackled her and now..." They turned to see Romanoff duck and dive several punches before taking his feet out from under the guy. He pointed to him as he got back up just as quickly and slung Nat into a stool. "That's the guy who..." Before he could finish Barton and Thor ran forward pinning the guy against the wall, ending the fight. Natasha began to laugh a sick, stomach churning hackle. Barton yelled to Steve "Rogers get her out of here!" Without the slightest hesitation he scooped her up his arms and fled the scene. "You're cute when you're angry!" She commented whilst pushing her body closer to his as he ran. "I think I've had one too many." She then pasted out, her head resting against his chest.


	5. In control

Steve carefully placed Natasha down on the large sofa in her room before calling Banner. He picked up on the third ring and began to explain. "The team finally managed to settle the guy down and Clint let out his frustrations. But we've got a lot of explaining to do to the club manager, and Fury's called each of us in after to give our own statements on the situation. He's not happy and Stark's definitely going to be getting a lay in." Steve paced around in front of the burning fire, he rubbed the back of his neck. "Does he want me to come in?" Banner paused "Nah, you need to stay with Natasha. If needs be you can always come down in the morning." Rogers nodded even though Banner couldn't see him. "How long will you be?" He could tell Bruce was looking at his watch. "Well it's well past 2 now, so at least an hour with the club manager and God only knows how long it will take for Fury to get through all of us." Steve tried to lighten the mood, "Why don't you ask Thor?" Even though Banner didn't laugh Rogers could tell he was smiling. "My guess is the earliest will be 5 and that's if we don't end up crashing at S.H.I.E.L.D headquarters for the night." Steve let out a sigh. "How is she?" Banner's voice was quiet, everybody had known Romanoff had had a bad past, they'd all assumed it was the worst out of all of them. But they'd never really known.

Now they knew more then they'd care for. Sure they'd never treat her differently because of it, or they'd try not to. However Steve knew that she'd develop a lot more sympathy and understanding then she'd probably care for. He turned to her, his fingers reaching out for her soft crimson hair. He pulled it away from her shut eyes, he felt her stir slightly, leaning into the touch. "She's sleeping, she'll be fine..." He wanted to say soon but that wasn't a promise he could make. "Hopefully." They both sighed in unison. "Right, well I'll see you tomorrow morning then Rogers." He hung up and Steve felt Natasha shiver under his touch as he moved his hand to rest on her knee, churning away he went to find a blanket. Discovering that there were in fact no blankets in her room he left to get his.

No sooner had he left he immediately returned to Nat's thrashing movements and ear splitting screams. His hands laced through hers as he woke her up, she went as if to punch him but her fist hovered before his check at the last second. He looked at her eyes, the fire that burned was instantly put out due to the piling of unshed tears.

Her breaths were shallow and fast, they were desperately trying to keep up with her racing heart. "Steve...I thought you were gone." Her eyes narrowed and her hand unclenched to gently rub his cheek, checking he was actually there. "I...I er had a dream, you were dead. All of us, the others ...Clint and Stark and...Oh Stark! I didn't kill him did I? I didn't mean..." She jumped up from her recent slumber, trying desperately to defend her previous actions.

His hand rested on her shoulder, pushing her back down. "Nat, it's alright. Everybody's fine they've just gotta take care of some stuff. They'll be back by morning." She seemed unfazed by his attempt at assurance.

"But I hurt him didn't I? Oh Pepper is going to be soo mad at me!" She became flustered and Steve went to her bathroom and filled a glass of water. "Here drink this, just take it nice and easy. You didn't hurt anybody, at least nobody who didn't deserve it." He added as a simultaneous after thought, thinking about that man at the club who'd attacked her. Boy if he ever came across that guy again...words could not explain his hatred and desire to hurt somebody. Now Steve Rogers was not a naturally violent guy, sure he battled in wars and fought aliens and robots but he'd never had such a strong desire to hurt somebody the way he wanted to hurt that jerk from tonight. Not even Red Skull.

Natasha, having caught Steve's grumble panicked "What do you mean? Who did I hurt?" He was quiet. "Who Rogers!" Against his better judgement he told her, choosing not to mention her closeness and thank you to him after he saved her. She winced at the memory, reminding Steve of her head injury and also pointing out her other scrapes from her fight with him on the dance floor.

As Steve dressed her wounds Nat became with-draught until she said "He smelt like home, I think he was a spy from the KGB or something. When he encountered me on the dance floor he seemed to know a lot about me, that's what made me throw the punch. When he asked me about why Barton hadn't killed me when he'd had the chance." Steve gritted his teeth, his muscles tensing. Turning him from a soft shoulder to fall against into a hard weapon of attack. "That's why I got mad, not because he was trying to hurt me..." Steve ducked his eyes, looking at his hand still touching her shoulder. "But because he was implying he could hurt Barton." Nat looked at him and gave him a grateful grin despite feeling like she needed to curl up into a ball. "Not just, him. Any of you, I guess in that sense he'd succeed in his mission."

Later that early morning after Nat showered and they'd both changed into some sweats and had some food Steve found himself trying not to fall asleep. He was sat on Natasha's sofa again, watching her brushing her wet hair. She was watching him, noticing his eyelids falling shut then automatically opening, checking his surroundings before they fell down again.

"You can go get some rest, I'm okay." He jarred awake and his voice sounded shrivelled and dry. "No I'm fine, got to stay and make sure you're okay." She smirked, put down her brush and moved to sit next to him. He seemed oblivious to how close she was, she chuckled seeing his eyelids dropping once more "How are you meant to do that, half awake? Even Captain Rogers needs some sleep." He smiled and leaned backwards, letting the leather mould around his frame.

"you don't seem tired." Her eyes clouded over as she stared off in the distance, no longer seeing Steve sat before her. "Let's just say I've got a lot on my mind." He murmured in agreement. "I suppose you want me to share what's got me in such a shitty mood recently?" He opened his mouth in an o shape. His eyebrows going for a little wonder on his forehead. "Only if you're comfortable with it."

She continued staring into her thoughts before abruptly snapping to face him. "What is it? Earlier you were begging me to spill and now"

"I wasn't begging." He protested, feeling every nerve in his body wake up. The last thing he wanted was to get in a fight. Without batting an eyelash she pieced two and two together. "Clint told you!" She jumped out of her chair, marching with determination in her strike. Rogers saw a flame ignite in her eyes and her hair whipped around her face, making her features appear even more hostile than usual.

He followed her lead, abandoning his cosy and warm scenario and diving head first into her perplexed and haunting eyes. "with good reason. Nat you were loosing it, I'd been watching you the whole night. It was obvious to everyone that you were in your own world." She held her hand up, pushing her fingers into his chest. Building a barrier between them. "Whoa, whoa! You were watching me all evening? Stalk much!" He felt her fire transform from her fingertips into his veins, fuelling him with the power and might to battle her.

"Natasha! Don't turn this on me, I was just trying to do the right thing! And I saw you, flinching at the loud music, staring off into space. Screaming in fear instead of joy, ducking away from invisible bullets. Getting drunk off your ass." She followed her arms, creating a massive x across her body. Closing off the gates, shutting him out. " it wasn't like that." Her voice sounded small and weak, exactly how she felt. "Yes it was and that's what terrifies you the most, not being able to control the situation. Ever since you were saved by Barton and discovered this whole new world of self power and privacy you've had to be in control. Well Natasha let me tell you something from my experience, you can't control people. You of all people should know that!" Rogers took deep and slow breaths, taking in what he'd just said. He automatically regretted his choice of words and saw the fury breaking through Romanoff's face like the sunshine cracking through a gap in the curtain.

Natasha was shocked with the fierceness of his words. She felt like he'd completely shoved her out, making a stand in defiance and self defence she swung her hand forward, slapping him in the face.

His mouth gulped open, and he turned to face her. Rogers was surprised with the guilt building in her eyes. Steve felt his cheek and found the imprint of her hand, acting on impulse only he shoved her against the wall. Pressing his body into hers, for a moment he saw a glimpse of fear. Regaining control of himself he immediately stared to pull away. But her hand gripped his head from behind, forcing him down to her.

Their lips met and the heat their bodies were radiating was almost insufferable. Whilst their kisses wove deep and powerful groans from their mouths Natasha kept telling herself: You needed to gain control. This is how you took control, you're only kissing for control! Part of her knew it was a lie, the other was beyond reason. Highly doubting she'd kiss Rogers for no reason other than the need for a distraction. Then why are you still kissing him?

Steve's hands drew patterns and shapes all over her skin, tracing over her small bones. He felt their tongues in an intense battle for dominance and her fingers pulled his hair, making him groan in the back of his throat. Their intertwined lips separated for a murderous second, before they found the crook of her neck. He dotted her collarbone with intensely warm kisses, some lasting longer than others. He heard her calling his name and shut his eyes as she pulled his lips back to hers, they interlaced like fingers. In the darkness of his closed eyes he saw the light. Natasha was pressed against the wall and she was thrashing trying to break free. Suddenly he was in the nightclub again, witnessing distressing movements in the shadows. With all his might Steve threw himself away from her.

He opened his eyes to see a bewildered Romanoff who didn't know whether to be embarrassed or angry. He headed for the door when she bitterly called "Where do you think you're going?" He didn't turn around "To bed, I suggest you do to. We've got a lot to discuss tomorrow." Rogers saw the image of her jumping as he slammed the door shut, shutting off any options or actions he could feel regret for tomorrow.


	6. Wavering emotions

It was 9am and all the avengers were soundlessly asleep. They'd arrived home as Bruce had suspected just after 5am and boy were they shattered. As they'd entered the building they still muttered questions about Natasha, none of which Rogers could answer.

"Was she sleeping?" He didn't know

"Did she want to talk about it?" He didn't know, but it was doubtful. However Natasha being the difficult woman she was may open up to somebody else just to spite Steve.

"Was she hurting?" That one he did know the answer to, though he kept it to himself. Yes, yes Natasha Romanoff, formally known as Natalia aka the Black Widow was in shearing pain. So much so that: she'd let Stark provoke her enough to the point where she attacked him, twice! She'd moved out of the tower, gotten into many hurtful battles with Rogers, threatened to kill everybody, gotten heavily liquiored up, been sexually assaulted, been in a damaging and dangerous fight, slapped Cap and ended up kissing him all in one day. Which resulted in him leaving her to mop in her sorrows in the emptiness of her own unstable mind. So yes, Steve was pretty positive she was hurting.

Now he was walking the tower, the one time he liked its never ending corridors. Other times he just found it lonely. It was ironic that averagely 7-8 people lived here and yet he felt even at the best of times isolated. He must have been doing a loop because he rounded Natasha's floor for the fourth time that morning. He stopped, and rethought everything that had happened yesterday. Remembering that it was no longer her birthday, he wondered if later she'd stroll out of her room, grab a piece of toast and ruffle his hair before heading out for a run, the same thing she did every morning.

Rogers was so lost in thought that for a minute he hadn't heard the screaming escaping the gap under her door. Without a minutes hesitation he was in the room, drawing Nat out of a horrifying nightmare which caused her to shed the numerous tears she'd been holding back in her olive green orbs. Without a accusion or question to his presence in her room she accepted his hug and let him rock her back and forth, reminding her of a rocking chair once a upon a time and a soft woman's voice singing her a Russian lullaby.

Several hours later Natasha woke to the soft movement of Steve's chest rising and falling. The peaceful sound of his breathing sliced through the silence. Confused she turned her head and found he was spooning her, taking a closer look she saw that his arm was draped over her waist, not caging her in but keeping her close. She turned her face away, trying to hide the stiffness rising in her bones. Clearly she didn't do a very good job because he spoke in her ear, causing her to shiver. Steve assumed she was cold and pulled the covers higher up, protecting her from the chilly afternoon.

Natasha's velvety voice sounded too loud and harsh when she spoke "You shouldn't be touching me." She could tell he was blushing and started muttering a failure at a nonchalant apology. "Sorry, I didn't mean to be forward." Her laugh bounced around the eerie quiet bedroom, sounding like a musical song. "Rogers you could be grabbing my ass and never appear as being too forward!" He didn't know if that was an insult or compliment.

He started to move away when she said "That's not why you shouldn't be touching me." It took him a minute but he soon came to the upsetting argument she had as to why he shouldn't be holding her. "Nat, I don't care about the number..." He responded, running his index finger down her spine, setting off fireworks on her skin. She tingled from head to toe.

"One day you will and I'll understand, I'll let you call me all the hurtful things you keep holding back. Each one of them will hit me like a knife, killing a different part of me. But I'll take it, because I deserve to. So I'd prefer it if you saved me the attachment and cut the strings now before they grow too long and tangled." He rolled her over on her side, pushing her closing curtain of crimson tassels behind her ear. Her fingers fiddled with the material of his vest, she reluctantly drew her hands back. Waiting for the strongest weapon anyone could wield against her; their honesty.

Rogers sighed, causing Natasha to feel the hunger for him as his breath heated her skin. She felt the ache for intimacy buried deep in her genes and the need for his touch hidden in her bones. "Tasha, how do you expect me to even try and hurt you if I don't know the whole reasoning behind your evolution." Her velvety chuckle filled him with dismay. She had to hold back a laugh at his formality. She turned on her back, taking his hands in hers, playing with their fingers.

"Barton probably told you most of it, so I'll just tell you what my plan was. After I joined S.H.I.E.L.D I mean." He leaned closer to her, tempting her to look at him but if she did she'd loose her nerve. Nevertheless she couldn't help but admit that his frozen breath exploding in her ear wasn't the tiniest bit distracting. And not because of its temperature.

"I thought I could just switch, like a lightbulb from good to bad. Boy could I not have been more wrong. Even when I was on a simple mission: I worked against orders, ignored my teammates, used private and unpracticed methods, kept my plans to myself and went for the kill. People thought I was crazy" she smirked at the memory. "But it had been imprinted on my eyelashes to trust my instincts and always, always complete a mission. Even if I meant I wouldn't return from it. Finally Fury called me into his office after a year's worth of complaints that he'd recieved in a week. He told me field work wasn't my thing, so he sent me away for a year. Told me to sort through any personal issues before returning. Of course I was gone for about a day before I returned. Determined to prove him wrong. He didn't doubt me and paired me up with Barton, did he ever tell you how our first mission went?" Rogers shook his head, eagerly intrigued and wore a bright smile on his face as Nat told him the story.

"it was a routine check up on one of S.H.I.E.L.D's old enemies who'd actually travelled from the Red Room with me. As soon as I'd seen him I went all robot mood, grabbed Clint from behind and hung him upside down from the ceiling before he'd had a second to register what was going on. The man we'd been sent to check up on had frozen in shear terror at the sight of me and had vowed an oath that he'd never disobey S.H.I.E.L.D for as long as he lived as long as I left him alone. To also prove his point he'd paid me and Clint with some of his finest diamonds and jewels. We'd been sleeping in a five star hotel with unlimited room service and maid service for 3 months, before we'd been assigned our next mission." Steve stared at her ever-green orbs brightening up and her cheeks displaying the most colour he'd seen on her in days. "That's when Fury decided to partner us up for good, he said I had interesting and unique methods but they were effective and quick at getting the job done. Soon I was put in line and started making my way further up the ranks." As she finished the story she burrowed her head in Steve's neck, trying and failing to not howl at his cheesy expression of pure disbelief.

"Did the man keep his word?" Natasha nodded, "till the day he died, 2 months ago last week." She stiffened returning to the original point of the story, Rogers took her fingers in his hand this time. Trying to ease her into it. "Anyhow, I'd been making good process. People still thought I was crazy and my only friend was Barton, not much has changed really, but it wasn't until my birthday that I'd realised how stupid I'd been to just think I could pop my old, rusted jeep into a garage and expect it to reappear as a brandspanking new Mercedes.

"the nightmares started and I was constantly reminded of the number of people I'd...everywhere I looked that number was. I was convinced someone had slipped me something that was making me hallucinate. My mission work started becoming suicidal and I was almost back to square one again. But the difference was I had Barton, I told him about my trouble sleeping but I didn't reveal the source. He recommend sleeping pills. After my birthday pasted I didn't need them anymore, it was like bam! Problem solved, until my next birthday. The same thing happened and people started noticing a pattern, from then on I was always given temporary leave of absence the week of my birthday. But the real issue was that I kept doing missions every other time of the year, the numbers subconsciously started adding up and that was always hanging over my head.

"It took me a while but I came to the conclusion that I was still doing the Red Rooms deed, sure I was now working for the so called good side, but I was still murdering people. Most of them hadn't done anything to me other than affect the company I worked for. The worlds not as black and white as it used to be, there isn't just good and bad and bad and good. A lot of things are grey and there are tunes of blurred lines. That's one of the reasons I didn't make a stand for the leadership role of the avengers, I was scared that what I saw as good was the opposite. Sometimes I still struggle to decipher between right and wrong, but it really helps having Mr Patriotic as my leader. I know you always fight for what's right."

Steve brought Romanoff's fingers to his lips, kissing each of them in turn. Causing Nat to fight down a blush but she couldn't refrain from releasing a giggle. "My nightmares died down and I no longer needed a full week to recover. But my entire birthday is just an emotional mess, I feel like I belong on one of those pathetic reality TV shows filled with teenagers whining about ex boyfriends and their friends sleeping around!" She interrupted a forced laugh with a draining sigh "So yes I'm killing in the name of good and I've always defended S.H.I.E.L.D, even to myself and I will never compare them to the Red Room. But I feel like I'm doing the same dirty work but in a different name and I know this sounds stupid but I'm sure there were people working at the Red Room making the same arguments I'm making now."

Cap's brow furrowed in concentration "Do you only have these kind of thoughts on your birthday?" She nodded. "Nat I think you're just using your number as a way to doubt yourself, believe me I've had my fair share of doubts about S.H.I.E.L.D especially when we were compromised. But the new S.H.I.E.L.D is good! As tough as it is to believe it, at the end of the day we're on the good side. You must know that otherwise I wouldn't be stood next to you!

"Sure there are tough decisions to make and I hate that I sometimes have to make them, but at the end of the day the Red Room kidnapped children, made them kill each other until one remand and that person would get the title of the Black Widow. I think, since you're only getting these thoughts on your birthday, your minds trying to manipulate you. You say you get these hallucinations and nightmares filled with death and you feel like the cause of them...well personally, and I'm no therapist, I feel your mind's making you think that even when your doing a job hundreds are afraid of and despite the fact that you're saving millions of lives its tricking you to think you're just committing countless murders with no reason. But S.H.I.E.L.D has a reason."

Natasha still looked unsure but she tried to smile anyway. Steve looked up at the ceiling, rolling on his back but still holding Romanoff's fingers in his grasp. "Besides, I never knew you felt that way. When I was struggling working for S.H.I.E.L.D and you, unlike everybody else I encountered, never spoke to me about it I presumed you thought I was stupid." This time Natasha spun so she was leaning on his chest, her mouth agap and he had to fight the urge to kiss her. "I know now that you never thought that, if anything you understood how I felt the most and you didn't believe you could convince me if you struggled to convince yourself."

She looked relieved and reluctantly abandoned his chest "When did Captain America get so smart? Brains, beauty and the whole of America resting on his shoulders. Not to mention the spangled suit to go with it, no wonder the ladies can't control themselves!" He didn't look as happy as Tasha had hoped. "What's wrong?" He pursed his lips "Well where do we go from here?" Nat knew what he was talking about but decided to play dumb. "We go and get breakfast." She looked at the clock "Or should I say lunch." She crawled out of bed and it was all Steve could do to not grab her and pull her back in. "Romanoff...you know that's not what I'm talking about." She shrugged, she'd let a lot of walls crumble down these past 24 hours, she needed to rebuild them. Some would never go back up and she knew she couldn't take away the vulnerability she'd shared with Steve, but she had to leave herself with some masks. "Well I'm talking about food, so let's go!" With a sulking Steve intail Nat bonded off to the elevator in search of pancakes.

* * *

The kitchen was strangely silent, all the avengers (bar Rogers and Romanoff) were sat in the stoney cold room eating cereal or drinking strong doses of caffine. Jane, Maria and Sam had also joined them for the morning. When they'd finally finished their debreifing with Fury Stark had invited them over, Wilson and Hill sometimes stayed anyway due to late missions and everybody was too tired to go their seperate ways. The concern for Natasha was present like an nucleur bomb. Nobody new what to expect when they next saw her. Barton knew she'd cover up any cracks in the armour, but it wouldn't be so simple now that the team new what was behind the curtain.

Clint could tell everybody wanted to go and see her, but they were also too scared they'd return headless. Or in his or Stark's cause, balless. Suddenly the pitterpatter of feet on the floor penertratted the eerie quiet and everybody looked up to see Natasha strutting into to kitchen with Steve closely behind her. She struggled for a second as panic filled her emerald orbs but swiftly hide it with years of experience. She moved to the stove, preparing to make pancakes and her whispy voice sounded like it'd been scratched by the sharp nails of fear. "Does anybody want any pancakes?" Nobody knew how to respond, it was as if people forgot how to act around her. But Hill and Barton, with more experience around her than the others jumped in "Yeah, I'll take some." "Me too, Tasha."

With that everybody eased back in, they all started loosing themselves in their food when Rogers spoke the unspoken. "Nat are you seriously going to ignore what you..." Romanoff cut him off "Not now Rogers!" Natasha's features grew red and withdrawn, Barton looked between them. Their eyes daring each other to make the next move, clearly something had happened. Before anyone could witness a deadly battle Jarvis interupted "Sir, Director Fury is on the line." Stark motioned with his hand "Tell him now's not really a good time..." Suddenly Nick Fury waltzed into the avengers tower like he owned the dame place. He moved like a ghost over to the jug of black coffee and grabbed a banana pancake. "Romanoff, you going explain to your teammates about last night?" He prompted. Her face matched her hair as she glared at Clint, shooting lazabeams and cutting Hawkeye apart piece by piece. "Somebody already beat me to it." She walked towards him and Barton put his hands up, if Clint was going he was going quietly.

"Tasha, they needed to know."

"That wasn't you call to make."

"In all fairness you were a bit" She squinted at Banner "livelier than usual." She spun around, glaring at each of them in turn. "How much did you tell them?"

Clint started to backaway as Romanoff moved closer "Only what they deserved to..." Nat filled with fire "They didn't deserve to know anything!"

Stark rose from his seat, ignoring Pepper's tedious protests. "Well I'm glad you think so highly of us." Before Romanoff could retaliate Fury put out the fire. "Romanoff, I get that it's your personal business but when it effects the team you gotta tell them what the hell's going on!" Her nostrils flared and her eyes could have froze the Pacific. "I'll tell you what Nick, I'll be honest with them when you are." He laughed.

"Always gotta be the slippery fish, Natasha." She crossed her arms and stood her ground, feet shoulder width apart "I learnt from the best." They continued to face off until Hill spoke up "Sir, I hate to disrupt this intricate conversation but do you mind telling us what you're really doing here?" Fury, removed the resentment from his gaze as he turned, almost becoming a different character, to face Hill. "I've got a mission for you all, another Hydra facility has been discovered. This time off in Russia, I need you guys to take it out."

* * *

Less than an hour later they were all suited up and in the quintet, except Foster, Hill and Potts. Pepper still had media to deal with after last night, Maria claimed she had unfinished business with Fury, causing everyone to wonder what else she knew about and Jane was acting as an extra set of eyes and ears for the team.

They'd delt with far worse forces but Fury had warned them that this was the biggest Hydra base they'd discovered since S.H.I.E.L.D's corruption. Therefore everybody was there, including Banner and Wilson. It was obvious he was just happy to be gearing up with the team. Even though he'd proved himself enough whilst battling with Cap and Widow the Falcon still felt underused and believed if he showed his true abilities, not just with Captain Rogers but the whole team, his time in New York may become more permanent.

Steve could tell Sam was nervous, he wanted to help relax him but he was too concerned with Tasha and although he felt bad about that Sam was a big boy and could look after himself. He frowned at the thought of what Nat would do to him had she known he'd thought that she couldn't take care of herself. Rogers tried not to stare as Romankff checked her equipment. "You know I think my Widows bites are malfunctioning." Steve tried to forge concern but secretly he was hoping she'd have an excuse to miss out on the battle, he knew it was slim that she'd let a couple of faulty Widow bites hold her back, but it was worth a shot. "Really?" He scowled as her fingers fiddled with the deadly disc "yeah, perhaps I can test them out on your eyes. See if they stop staring at me, like I'm a helpless child." There was little to no amusement behind her regular snark. "I highly doubt it." Banner muttered under his breath, unsure whether his comment would piss off Cap or Widow.

Tasha snapped "Yeah, bit ambitious trying to waylay Mr Protective over here. But I thought I'd try and kill two birds with one stone!" At the same time both the Falcon and Hawkeye squealed "Did you say bird?" And the blood boiling terror on their faces was uncanny.

Stark stalked past them all, his hand punching the button to release the bridge. "Time to work for a living kids." In a matter of seconds Thor grabbed Bruce and shot out of the quinjet faster than Natasha's eyes could see, swiftly followed by Cap in a para shoot and the Falcon gliding like, well a Falcon. Stark turned to Nat, offering a hand. She merely chuckled, turned back to Barton sharing a "See you down there" glance. Clint was going to let the others handle the beginning of the battle and park up before joining them.

Catabolting herself from the quinjet Black Widow only reminded herself that she was para shootless during her escalating approach to the ground. Her flamming red hair whipped back from her face and instead of allowing Stark to grab her, she positioned her body to land in the probably freezing lake. Just at the last second, when she felt a surge of raw water gushing towards her and part of her thought _you are not in the right mind set for this_ she felt firm hands tighten around her waist, pulling her away from the icy lake and carrying her to the ground where angry and perplexed men were awaiting her.

"Looks like I missed a bird." She mocked the Falcon as he dropped her, a little too high above the ground, she landed gracefully like a cat. Ignoring the jarring pain invading her left leg. Rogers didn't even comment on her defiant stunt, he just looked longingly at her. His gaze setting a crisp breeze of disappointment in the air. Suddenly she found herself craving his eleticifying touch against her skin, protecting her and drawing her into his loving arms. How had Tasha allowed them to go from such an intermit place to this cold and depressing nightmare. _Welcome home._

"Stark I want you to enter at the highest level, begin working your way down, then when they're secure head to the control room. Thor and Hulk, I want you two tackling their machine industries, we have no clue what new technology they've got in store for us. Falcon and Romanoff, you're with me. We stay on the ground, keep them focused on us and Hawkeye." Cap turned to his earpiece "Fill in whether help is needed." Barton's voice responded in all their ears "Copy, the jet's parked and sealed. Be with you in about 10." Captain smiled "Move out!"

* * *

Rather than fight Rogers' orders, Romanoff decided to stick with them. Gone, was the feeling of self doubt and pity and in its place was a certain level of determination. Natasha had taken in everything Steve had told her earlier this same day and although it had taken her a while to grasp what he was actually saying she finally pushed past her apprehensions about S.H.I.E.L.D. Surely if she only recieved this numbing reluctance once every year, he was right and it was because of her past trama trying to possess her. Romanoff now faced the fact that she'd blanked Rogers' question about what to do next, because she herself didn't know.

However, she knew one deep and personal desire she pledged to her soul, she wanted him. Not just physically, but mentally as well. She wanted to feel his protection, constantly, like it was a second skin. She wanted to know how it felt to be really happy and in love. Avoiding the embarrassment and potentil stares of caution, Widow held back a laugh at the irony and timing of her discovery. She just had to make it through this mission and then she would tell him. The breath of disappointment he'd exhaled earlier had stricken a nerve Natasha hadn't known she'd had. She had always loathed the idea of hurting him, even before Natasha had properly known him or even liked him. But now, with her dark tangled feelings coming to the light of his presence, Tasha knew she'd do anything to make that glint of disapproval evaporate completely.

* * *

In the midst of battle Stark propelled himself into the air, brushing off a rather disturbing tackle he'd been given by a massive, raging green monster. He'd forgotten how The Hulk hated being reminded of puny Banner whilst smashing out and Stark had let out a squeal of Pride when Hulk had disarmed the bunker which had a fancy for following Stark like a puppy dog. "Nice one Banner!" Had earned him several reformed pieces of metal on his suit.

The Falcon swarm through the air, dodging grenades and missals from every direction. It was his method to keeping the eyes off the advancing Captain and Widow. He momentarily paused before swopping down to help Thor fry a few tanks that were making an appearance from the West. They worked back to back, Falcon saving Thor's back a couple of times, whilst Thor returned the favour from yelling warning when to duck and drive. They worked well together, neither one hesitating when the other gave an order, completely trusting their lives in each other's hands.

Thor quickly moved from tank to tank, with the help from the Falcon, they were demolished within minutes. Spoting a sudden energy pull from the current his powers attracted he swerved to see a shell rolling uncontrollably from explosion to explosion. He moved as if to collect it, but was hit from behind with a laser beam. Surprised that his back had been unguarded he looked to find the Falcon diving to Barton's need as soldier after soldier bombarded him. Thor, unaffected by the pitiful blast, flew over to help his fellow comrades.

Black Widow was in full swing, her strikes and dodges cleaner and faster than they'd been in a while. She felt this new buzz of energy pounding inside her chest, fighting with Captain America was also pleasant. Even if you were heavily outnumbered you knew he'd never leave your back unguarded. The problem was, no matter how many guards and soldiers and machines she was taking out more and more took their place. She also noticed how Rogers was spending a large amount of time on offence, she grimaced at the thought that he was shielding her more than himself. She should have known this is why he wanted her beside him. Abruptly Natasha spied a shell bouncing around, her eyes popped wider as Nat saw it rolling straight over to Hulk, he stupidly picked it up and threw it into the now retreating line of tanks. Faster than she thought possible Widow saw Rogers shield cross her line of vision, she leaped forward. Twisted her hand into his suit and yanked his body as close to hers as she could.

Everything slowed down to snail speed as Steve's eyes looked into Natasha's verdant orbs and he saw the stomach churning terror building behind them as they were both lifted from the ground and thrown several feet away, behind many burning and broken cars ,from the shear force of the earth jarring eruption. Straining in the process, Cap swifter his shield over their heads, protecting them from the uproar of Fire dancing around their huddled bodies. He tried not to place his full weight on Natasha but she held him so tightly and close it was hard to pull away, he didn't really want to as well. For what felt like hours they moulded their bodies to fit in the confined space the bomb had given them, when Steve felt the heat start to ease off his back he started to pull away, he easily lifted and moved the pile of cars caging them in. As he did so he saw Black Widow groan as a car to the right of us detonated and pieces of metal jumped, like a magnet was drawing them to her whimpering form. He grabbed her leg and using all his strength pulled her towards him. She hit him from such force he toppled backwards. She laughed down at his concerned features "Thanks Soldier" Natasha was well aware of the lack of space between them.

Staying pressed together for as long as possible, they tried to ignore the battle until a blood cooling moan was transported through their comms. What had felt like hours of intermacy turned to seconds as Tasha scarmled away from Steve screaming "Clint!" Steve wasn't far behind as the charging red head shot down man after man until she reached Barton lying face down on the ground.

"Clint! Barton get your ass up or so help me god..." He lifted his head to smile at her "you'll cut off my balls?" She glared fire mixed in with amusement at his pain riddled face "You got it." The rest of the team assembled above them, Stark flashing a "I did it!" Smile. Hawkeye passed a rough surveillance of the faces looking down at him. "I'm in hell aren't I?" Wilson couldn't hold it together and set everybody else off. "I at least thought I'd get some quiet time alone after death before you lot showed up! Screw you guys, I'm retiring." Nat lifted him up, supporting his weight on her petite form. "I'm not threw with you just yet! Come let's get out of here."

They were back on the quinjet, Stark was flying and Barton was draped over the medical table in the middle, Banner busy at work fixing him up. Romanoff was disarming her equipment when she heard a rustling from behind. She grabbed her gun, saw a figure retreat to a now opening bridge and before anyone could make a move to stop her she tackled him to the ground. Thor moved to grab Mjolnir but before he could do anything the figure Nat tackled began to roll backwards towards the open bridge. He was too heavy, Tasha couldn't stop herself from falling into the evening sky. Briefly she heard Steve yell at Stark to turn back before she began her journey to earth, out of the corner of her eye she spotted the man who'd invaded their quinjet. He displayed a disturbing grin before opening his para shoot and aiming off into the distance. She was left alone and braced herself for the pain and probable death that was going to hit her like a bag of bricks. That's when her flexing figure collided with the icy water she'd been aiming for earlier. Her thoughts ceased to exist as the frozen mouth swallowed her hole.

Nat couldn't decide if she was conscious or not, she was aware that she was under water. But the fear of the icy burning temperature and lack of oxygen wasn't on her mind at that precise moment. Gradually she felt her body sinking, but she couldn't fight it. No matter how hard she tried, from an outsider she knew her body looked peaceful and for a never ending second she thought she was dead. However inside her body her blood was pumping faster, faster around her body. Her heart was banging in her ears, it reminded her of the drum beat from the nightclub the following evening.

In the corner of her - half panicking, half too relaxed (which was adding to her dread) - mind she remembered that people say your life is meant to pass before your eyes. Hers didn't, and how would people even know that? Clearly if anyone had been close to death and that had happened they'd survived to tell people that, therefore they didn't die seeing that. Tasha was quite grateful hers didn't, it would have brought back a lot of pain and added emotion that she didn't need before she died.

What she did see, was not her mistakes, but her corrections: her joining S.H.I.E.L.D, her partnership with Barton, her friendship with Hill, joining the avengers, the chitauri battle in New York, shawarma, being recognised as the Black Widow but only because of New York and not the Red Room or KGB, successful missions with Rogers, discovering S.H.I.E.L.D was compromised and being brave enough to risk her personal life for the life of millions. Most of the images were with the avengers, her friends and the last one she saw before her mind went blank and the arms from the darkness carried her off into their mitts, was Steve holding her and telling her everything was going to be alright.


	7. My Tasha!

Steve's body was filled with fright. Not only because it could possibly take hours to find Tasha's body in this frenzy filled basin, but also because it's brisk water was so close to reminding him of...

"Bringing back memories, Capsicle?" Stark was also wading through the murky water. Of course it was a lot easier for him to see, but a lot colder and heavier. Steve grunted, they were almost certain Nat had fallen here, but not completely so Wilson, Banner and Thor were on shore, searching the woods. But Barton, Rogers and Stark were up to their necks in the dingy tears of darkness.

"Stark quit adding to your wit list and get under the water! Tasha's been under here for at least 8 minutes." Barton hissed from the right of Rogers.

Stark began to retaliate. "Well if somebody hadn't made a big fuss about not coming in then..." Barton was not in the mood and quite frankly neither was Steve, but Stark's snarks of sarcasm were somewhat relaxing. They made things feel hopeful and normal.

"STARK GET UNDER THE WATER!" Clint screamed.

Although he'd been in the process of being bandaged whilst Nat catapulted herself from the quinjet Clint had made it pretty visible that if he wasn't allowed in the water somebody would end up with a bow up their ass and everybody agreed they were wasting time arguing.

Something in Hawkeye's voice had hit home for Stark and he instantly threw himself under the water, in a fairly dramatic fake faint way but at least he was under water. Rogers wasn't sure how much help it would be given the amount of algae he was swimming through. Stark bounded up again, without saying anything but pointed below him. "You found her!" Both the boys raced to Stark, he was panting "She's...too...deep, for...my oxygen...levels." Before anyone could counter him Rogers inhaled and dived deeper and deeper, he knew he could hold his breath for at least 7 minutes, he wasn't sure about Natasha on the other hand.

Cap had definitely swam at least 60 feet down before his hand wrapped around a silky piece of material, he rubbed it between his fingers and suddenly a light appeared above Rogers head, Stark was flashing his thrusters so Steve could see. The material was a coppery red. He moved downwards, and felt his heart skip a beat as Natasha's form was cast in the spotlight. Forgetting he was under water, he had to fight the urge to inhale a big gulp of water. His fingers laced themselves around her waist and with all his might he lifted her up. The journey up took too long for Cap's liking. He also didn't like the tightness of her lips or how her eyelids looked like they wouldn't open again. In a moment of terror Steve tried to imagine his life without Romanoff. He felt like the strings to his heart were wand deeply within her, he couldn't live without her. He just kept thinking _what if we're too late? What if he couldn't save her?_

What felt like a millennium later he descended, gasping for air. He threw Romanoff's body above his head, making sure she was above the poisonous chemical. In the distance he heard Barton yelling something to him, but Rogers couldn't comprehend. He needed to get her to shore. Cradling her body, he swifter her on his back, and swam for his life. When he finally reached the sloppy uneven grass he placed her down, and got a proper look at her. Tasha's skin was touching blue and her red hair looked like blood in comparison to her ghostly complexion.

Abruptly Rogers started giving Romanoff CPR, he wasn't sure how long he'd been giving it. It had obviously been a long time because at several points his team mates were patting him on the back. He didn't give up! Steve Rogers doesn't give up, instead of his energy levels weakening Cap felt them growing stronger. More determined as resilience circled through his veins, his energy passing through his hands and lips into Natasha. He kept going, still feeling no response. It had been a good 20 minutes and he felt the happiness and hope draining from his friends as the heat drained from the air, it was well into the night now. Tears spilled from his eyes, he couldn't loose her. He physically wouldn't be able to deal with the pain.

Sam came to step forward, Steve wasn't sure what he was going to say though because out of the blue Natasha jumped out of her slumber, terrifying everybody. She rolled on her side, coughing up water and a little blood. Then she looked up, her eyes exhausted.

Rogers suddenly felt the mood lightening up as Thor whooped and cheered, running forwards and swinging Natasha in his arms. Everybody started to object but Romanoff's laughter of pure pleasure silenced them all. Everybody stared at the red head as Thor gently stood her on her feet, like she was a China doll. For a moment she was left alone and then Banner grabbed her in a tight hug, still holding back, being careful not to harm her. Then Wilson joined in "Damn gurl! I was almost shitting my eyes out back there!" After their hug, Nat turned to Stark who was slowly stepping backwards, retreating into the forest.

She stopped him with her cold stare and then she smirked, opening her arms. For the slightest fraction of time Tony stared in awe and then pulled her in close "Red you scared the living daylights out of us, and not in the usual good way! I swear I thought Barton was gonna murder me." Nat rolled her eyes, glancing at her smug partner. She stayed awkwardly hugging Tony in his iron man suit though, they were intently whispering in each other's ears. And when they finally pulled away Cap knew things would go back to the way they were.

Wordlessly Tasha spun on her heal, grabbed her knife, in unison Barton did the same. They held them to each other's throats and not a wind of breath passed the onlooking avengers who were too shocked to do anything. Then Clint growled "If you ever jump out of a quinjet into the darkness in a Russian forest into a freezing cold lake again..." Nat snarled "And if you ever get hit in the chest by a laser beam and squeal like a girl in my ear piece again..." They chanted "I will kill you myself Agent.

"Romamoff!

"Barton!"

They instantly leap to each other, nobody could tell if they were going to get met with blades or bear hugs. And they too speculated but the latter won out, the hug was long and lasting filled with all too familiar situations and a Bible of unushered words that were transported through touch.

Slowly Natasha Romanoff moved from Clint and walked straight up to Steve Rogers, unlike all the others she didn't look happy. She looked hurt and small and everything they'd said or done to each other over the past 24 hours passed before them in a whirlwind of numb fingers, squashed bodies, silent tears, sweaty skin, exhausted stares and sticky hair as they gripped onto each other as if their lives depended on it. Steve knew this hug was the longest and it felt more private, even though his face was an open book to the avengers (it always had been) Nat's was sealed shut behind a steal wall with laser beams, the best security guards, master disguises and a bunch of wild dogs with a bite and only he had the key. She positioned herself so no one else could see her expression. Nat could see it on his face, how real this had been for him, how close he had come to loosing her and that crushed any brick of caution for her feelings into dust, which was soon washed away with hot tears. She couldn't decipher whose they were, it was only when she went to pull away that she realised the whole team had joined in on their intermit moment. That's when Natasha Romanoff decided she'd try to let them in.

* * *

The flight home was bitter sweet, yes everybody was happy that Romanoff was alive, and after the nerve racking hugs had been dissed out the familiar feeling of isolation seemed to intensify. For one thing Barton had made his injury a whole lot worse, it was possible it would now be infected and Bruce had to thoroughly clean it. Which caused Hawkeye a whole lot of pain and therefore everybody particularly Natasha was tense, you didn't need to have known the Black Widow long to know she was blaming herself. Honestly Rogers' didn't think it was that bad a thing for her to do; he is not saying he blamed Natasha for Clint's condition or anybody else does for that matter. But it was a lot healthier for her to blame herself and focus all her negative energy on Barton then it is for her to focus on darker and more depressing thoughts.

Secondly, nobody not even Tasha could explain how her body had magically fallen into the pool of ice and not fought her way free, because at the end of the day it was a immensely cold lake, but easily swim able. It wasn't until we were half an hour from Avengers Tower and Barton's injury had been bandaged did we have an idea as to what happened.

Thor was helping Natasha with her equipment, she'd seemed to damage her back in the water, when he began screaming blood murder. His yelp could have been heard from Asgard, terrified of what she did Nat stepped back, keeping people away with her eyes. Everybody glanced Widow over, "It was my Widow Bites!" Realisation took over her features, masking the chaos of fear that she'd hurt her friend. She gingerly pulled them all out, and Banner pulled one from a limping Thor, whose face looked like it had melted as he tried to hide the sting.

"I thought you were joking when you said..." Nat placed them all out in front of her. "I was, but I guess it was sour humour. Don't touch!" She smacked Falcon's hand away. He forged a tantrum and stalked over to Barton. Thor had recovered from his blow and said "Is that what stopped you from swimming?" All was quiet and Nat's stillness intensified. "No...that was something else, uh...right." She resumed playing with her bites. Stark returned from the front of the quinjet, having put Jarvis on auto-pilot.

"Do you mind telling us? Or are we not worthy of that as well?" Nat smirked and Stark folded his arms "Great, first Mjolnir and now this. I swear you wouldn't think I've saved the world at least...a zillion times!" Banner chuckled "No you would not."

Romanoff grimaced as she sat down, "When I...felt his presence I didn't want to alarm anybody. Partly because I wasn't sure if it was a trick of my imagination or. . . ." Steve stepped forward, and Nat stared at him as he moved to sit next to her. "Natasha" she heard so much in her name that it was hard to concentrate. She needed him, physically needed him to be close. Bravely she caught his fingers and began playing with them. "There was no man." She looked scared, startled that her imagination had been that good at creating such a real image.

Her eyes flew to Clint's he leant forward, "No...I was sure...I thought...?" Bells rang in her ears, as the mans face flashed before her eyes again. It was the man. _The man. "Are you ready to comply?" Her scream deafened her and her eyes stung holding back tears. "Natalia it's been too long." A bullet rounded the glass window separating them, she dogded and returned the fire._

"So" Sam was eyeing Steve, leaning against the island table in the centre of the quinjet. "You say you saw..." Nat kept her head down, but her eyes rolled up. "I did see." The snark wasn't threatening but seeds of caution hit the wind, blowing across the room due to the heavy and harsh breathing in the confined space. Steve interjected "You saw this man and what? Tackled him?" She held her breath. "Yes, I think so. He was from my past, one of my old instructors, he looked...dangerous, I felt like he was going to hurt you." Even though she was talking to everybody, Rogers felt like that "you" had his territory marked on it.

"I then grabbed him, but he was too heavy. We rolled backwards, my weight wasn't strong enough to stop and then we hit the air." Clint held his chin in a cage of fingers, "Where did the man go? The imaginary one, I mean." Romanoff tried to fight off a smile as Barton's feet rested on her lap, she hit them off and they collided with the floor causing a big thump. "I don't know, he had been wearing a para shoot, he aimed for the right and left me there alone. Then I hit the water, I wasn't aware of anything. Not of the darkness, lack of oxygen or even the cold. I just sank." Thor and Banner listened carefully, Stark was lightly tapping his fingers to a rhythmless drum beat. The falcon shut his eyes, he wasn't asleep, just resting as Clint and Steve watched Nat. "You didn't feel like not drowning?" The falcon's lips twitched at a smile, he knew Natasha long enough to know she was glaring him down. "No, I felt like not living. No matter how hard my body was fighting, my brain seemed to have. . . . Retired. I thought I was dying, but I didn't feel a mad panic to save myself."

Simultaneously Bruce mumbled an understanding, he himself had tried to take his own life but failed. "I didn't think there was much to be saved. At the time I didn't feel like this, it's kind of like when you're having a nightmare, but you can only remember why it's so scary afterwards when you're awake. During the dream all you think about it the terror. Whilst I was drowning I could only think about not being able to fight, I didn't wonder why. Not really anyway." On that depressing note Jarvis retrieved everybody from their own reveries to say we were home. Natasha was the first to leave the ship, leaving everybody staring after her limping body.

Once everybody was inside they seemed to disappear. Stark went to find Pepper, Bruce immediately retreated to his lab, Wilson had some debriefing to do with Hill, Thor and Jane evacuated to a more private location and Barton settled in his nest. Leaving Steve on his own. He decided to get an early night. He entered his room saddened that it would be another lonely evening. He shut the door behind him, placed his shield down and saw the figure of Natasha Romanoff sat on his bed. "Nat?" She ran to him, embracing him. Suddenly the covers were pulled back and everything they had wanted to say to each other poured out like blood from a bullet wound.

Rogers found himself trapped between wanting to hug and touch and caress her shattered surface and needing to confront her. Reluctance pored through his veins, but he pushed himself away "Natasha, why did you do that today? You could have killed yourself!" She stalked away, but he was having none of it. He grabbed her arms, trying to be gentle but firm. "I thought after the fight, after the explosion with you and me. . . . . I just assumed, did I do anything? Put you in a uncomfortable situation?" Natasha pleaded with her eyes, her hands tickling his fingers on her toned arms "No Steve! Well, uh yes. You did everything, you made me feel alive. I felt like I'd seen the sun set for the first time! You showed me the good. That's what I saw. When I was drowning, I mean, I saw you! You holding me and letting me cry. You telling me what was happening, you gave me another perspective on a one way street I'd been taking for years!" She beamed at him, but he needed to know "Then why did..." She interrupted, her hands chasing his arms, encircling his strong and toned muscles.

"I thought I had to prove myself, show off my new skin. I really did see the man and I was worried he'd hurt you, but I just leaped for it." Suddenly she was pressed against the door, their breaths were quick as their eyes invaded each other. Seeing the passion, the desire, the need, the lust. She reached for him, her lips capturing him. Their tongues thought vivaciously for dominance, Steve won. But Natasha didn't hold back on her wondering fingers, her nails digging into his back, clawing away at the material. His lips moved to her neck and a moan passed before her lips, she grinded against him making him groan for her. Her legs lifted easily, lacing around his waist. His hands burned like irons against her skin, his finger prints leaving momentary marks that felt like they'd be permanent. The ghost of his touch, a constant warning for future stray men who would eye up Tasha.

Their movements became rougher and he threw her to the bed, embedding himself into her. Their suits were quickly removed and the excitement of new skin was overwhelming. Steve made sure there wasn't a centre metre of pale skin untouched. They found new places were either would squeal with delight of burst into nervous giggles. When she whispered his name he responded with quicker movements, their lips leaving bruises from place to place. Rogers' fingers traced patterns and swirls on her thighs, her stomach. She clung to him, weak for it. Needing it. Her nails left imprinted lines of lust. Suddenly their hands found the hem of each other's underwear, Natasha was desperate to explore this whole new world, dimension of Steve Rogers he had always kept logged off. But a crack in his voice kept her at bay "Natasha..." She looked up at him, seeing the embarrassment and hesitation in his crystal blue orbs pained her. She felt a knife to her throat, and slowly removed her uncontrollable hands, they reached for his chin as he said "I...er...I haven't done...huh" he chuckled with humiliation that was immensely endearing. "You're my first." Honestly, she wasn't surprised. Not because Steve hadn't had a chance, considering how many girls threw themselves at him, she thought bitterly, but he was so sweet and so friendly and naive she doubted whether he'd understood the overly used hints. Or maybe he just ignored them. She placed her index finger on his trembeling lips. "It's okay Steve, you're okay. I'm here, and I'm fairly certain you'll pick it rather quickly." She glanced down at his crotch, making him blush and laugh. She then placed a tentative, secure kiss on his lips. Making them both shiver and return for more.

* * *

In the early hours of the morning Steve woke with Natasha's head resting on his stomach, her legs were between his. He felt peaceful, when he'd kissed her last night he wasn't sure what had come over him. Or how she was going to act. But she had recuperated effective immediately and before he'd known it they'd had their first night, proper night, together. He placed his fingers in her curly tassels, feeding them through and playing with loose strands, he felt peaceful and for the first time at the avengers tower he didn't feel the tiniest bit alone.

Natasha was roused with the feeling of somebody playing with her hair, she liked how she knew Steve's touch instantly. She also enjoyed the rise and fall of his chest, she felt his heart beat in her ears. She sighed breathing hot air on his abs, making him shiver. She rolled on his chest, so her breasts were pressing against him, grinding against his crotch and making him groan Tasha moved up his chest until their lips met. The kiss was seductive and dirty, Natasha flashed her killer smile at Steve making him lean in for another. "You should probably return this mattress, get a refund or something?" Her graceful fingers creep along his bicep making him tingle as his hands traced her spine, making her arch her back as he traced her lower back. "Why, seems pretty comfy to me. And does that mean that you're planing to spend more time in it with me?"

Romanoff's grin set off sparks in Steve's heart, "Maybe" she teased, pressing her lips to his but pulling away before he could actually kiss her. It was very annoying, he concluded. "And I think it's a bad mattress simply because Captain America's abs are a lot nicer to sleep on. I might invest in my own set." He chuckled, "Why would you need to when this set already has your name on it?" He declared and sucked in a breath as Nat kissed each individual one, also stopping for the ocasional lick. "Well I can tell you, it would definitely put any mattress company out of business. Might wanna look into it." She began crawling back up his chest, about to tease him again. Steve grinned "I'll mention the idea to Stark!" Then before she could pull away, enjoying the frustration on her face he leaped at her, fully absorbing her in the kiss. He grabbed her legs around his waist and stood up, not swaying from her petite form in his hands. Without breaking the tunnel between their joined mouths they moved as one to the bathroom and turned on the water for a steamy shower. Gingerly Cap's hand grabbed Widow's ass causing her to do a double take, she shoved him against the wall at which point he muttered into her mouth "Whose's being forward now!"

As the weeks went on and their relationship grew stronger and deeper Nat became more open, not just with the team but with Steve too; there were still many things she held back, things only she and Rogers discussed but it was a big stepping stone. That obviously displayed her trust not only in him, but in herself. This tightened the teams strings and brought them a lot closer. It wasn't long before the others found out about Steve and Natasha and truthfully they weren't that surprised, well maybe Barton was a little too naive for his own good, but they were vividly happy for the unlikely couple. After all, who else was going to put up with them?

Natasha still struggled on her birthday, but she no longer had hallucinations or wildly attacked her friends, she avoided all alcholo (just for that day) and surrounded herself in Steve's arms when the nightmares came. Any monsters crawling out from under her bed was knocked out cold by Steve's heart shaped shield which he wore on his sleeve, it wasn't long until he'd officially handed that over to Natasha as well.

Several years later, Natasha jumped with a start, her heart pounding in her chest. She felt her blood roaring in her ears but what terrified her the most was the lack of the regular sonic boom of an extra heart beat pounding so loudly it scared off any deadly copwebs. "Steve! Steve...Ste..." She searched madly for him, fear and chaos and terror building within her bones. Her instincts kicking in as she reached for the gun (she was no longer allowed to keep under her pillow, no matter how many times she told Rogers the safety was always on he wasn't comfortable sharing the bed with a loaded 22.) hot hands wrapped around her waist, cooling her down and allowing her heart beat to descend back to normal. Steve pulled her whimpering body close, their noses touching as he whispered in her ear "Nat I'm here, I'm not going to leave you." She nodded, but needed a passionate kiss for confirmation. His hand protectively cradled her head, brushing the sweaty curls away from her watery eyes. "Don't you ever leave me! I need you more than you know Rogers." He breathed her in, once again captivating her scent which had mixed with his over the years. "Believe me I know." She lightly elbowed him. "Don't get cocky on me now, not when I've finally fallen in love with you."

He gulped, the words catching in his throat before he finally choked them out. Disappointed he hadn't been the one to say them first. "I love you too, Natasha Romanoff. Now come here." She fought back a giggle, fighting his seeking arms. "You'll have to catch me first!" She dives from his arms, running for the bathroom when his arms lock around her waist. Using his unbelievable strength to lure her back to bed. "My Tasha!" He claimed as they made love into the night.

Romanoff cast her mind back to a few years ago when anybody describing her as theirs would have earned themselves to be gutted like a fish, now she liked hearing him being possessive over her. It was endearing and oddly arousing. She was his, Natasha Romanoff, who now also wore her heart on her sleeve, and hastily gave it to Steve Rogers. She was his.


End file.
